Last night I made this comment to one of my friend's "Glad it's you and not me." He is spending today at the hospital getting lots of tests done. Even though I wished he didn't have to go through that, I was sort of glad it wasn't me. Well, today those words came back to bite me. Tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment. Most likely blood work and who know's what else. on Thursday (At like 8 in the morning) I have an ultrasound. I'm trying not to laugh at the irony of it all, because tomorrow (and the day after) it will be me. The hospital (oops, the doctors office AT the hospital) called this morning. They scheduled the ultrasound and then they put in a referal for an urgent appointment with the GI. No idea when that's gonna be yet, but considering that they put urgent on it, it could be soon. I'm relieved that they are doing something about it, like getting me in to see the GI and running all these tests and such, but then comes the dread that "Oh great, I gotta get more tests done now." I'm happy I'm getting them, just so then maybe they can find out what's wrong with me, but really, who likes getting stabbed with needles and getting an ultrasound wand thing jabbed into their stomach? I have to keep believing that all these tests will show something, that all this discomfort and pain and whatever else they put me through won't be for nothing, that they will figure this out and make me better.
'Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Big News
I do have some big news for today... but I'm gonna make you wait.
So I'm home from Miette. It was ok/good. I was still in pain, which ruined the trip just a little bit. I took lots of pictures, but none worth showing. Mostly they are for my new story. These characters have been living in my head for a while, and since Friday they have been bouncing up and down and screaming in my head. I'll let you know that it's going to take place at a mountain top resort sort of like Miette. The two main characters are gonna be Ellie and Wes (It's a love story, of course.) And... well you'll just have to wait to find out the rest. But I am really excited about it and am ready to give these characters a voice and get their stories down on paper. Yay for Ellie and Wes and for them making me happy!
I finished reading some really good books. I was thinking about doing a summer reading list for this summer, just some of my favorite books that you guys could read if you're looking for something to read this summer (I don't know, do you guys read in the summer, or is that too school-like?) Anyway, that should be out in the next little bit if you guys are interested.
And... Here's the big news. I finished 'that' story today!!! The ending surprised even me. I was in the process of writing it when I put the first little bit on here, and now it's officially done. I had the genius idea for the ending last night, and finished it up just a few minutes ago. It's a little bit sad to be done with all these characters, but I totally loved writing this book, and I'm excited to see what you guys think as I post a little more on here, ending up in the whole novel, I hope. So that's my big news.
Hope you had a good weekend, and do something that makes you happy today. Things might be dark now, but it can't rain forever.
So I'm home from Miette. It was ok/good. I was still in pain, which ruined the trip just a little bit. I took lots of pictures, but none worth showing. Mostly they are for my new story. These characters have been living in my head for a while, and since Friday they have been bouncing up and down and screaming in my head. I'll let you know that it's going to take place at a mountain top resort sort of like Miette. The two main characters are gonna be Ellie and Wes (It's a love story, of course.) And... well you'll just have to wait to find out the rest. But I am really excited about it and am ready to give these characters a voice and get their stories down on paper. Yay for Ellie and Wes and for them making me happy!
I finished reading some really good books. I was thinking about doing a summer reading list for this summer, just some of my favorite books that you guys could read if you're looking for something to read this summer (I don't know, do you guys read in the summer, or is that too school-like?) Anyway, that should be out in the next little bit if you guys are interested.
And... Here's the big news. I finished 'that' story today!!! The ending surprised even me. I was in the process of writing it when I put the first little bit on here, and now it's officially done. I had the genius idea for the ending last night, and finished it up just a few minutes ago. It's a little bit sad to be done with all these characters, but I totally loved writing this book, and I'm excited to see what you guys think as I post a little more on here, ending up in the whole novel, I hope. So that's my big news.
Hope you had a good weekend, and do something that makes you happy today. Things might be dark now, but it can't rain forever.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Today is Friday...
Today means I have successfully completed 5 straight day's of blogging. I know that might not be a big accomplishment, but that's every weekday this week that there has been a blog post. For some reason, that's enough to make me smile.
Today means We're leaving for Miette Hot Springs in a few hours. I remember the last time I wrote those words in a blog post. It doesn't seem like that long ago, but it was. I doubt there will be any daring new adventures this time around. If I take any pictures worth showing, I'll post some here when I get home.
Today means possibility
Today means possibility
Today means a long drive, listening to music, staring out of the window and thinking.
I need to be happy for today because today is my life.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Little Bits
I'm just a little bit torn today. Just a little bit upset with myself, just a little bit upset with life, just a little bit needy. I'm just a little bit hurt and just a little bit happy. Just a little bit peaceful, a little bit content, and a little bit anxious. I'm a little bit wanting and a little bit giving and a little bit hoping. A little bit sick and a little bit hurting but a little bit trying and a little bit fighting.
I'm full of little bits right now. I'm a little bit of everything today. All these little bits, all crammed together in my body, fighting for space, for time, for thought. Each little bit is screaming, their little tiny hands raised, their cries echoing "Pick me, pick me." For a moment, I do. I don't mean to, but absentmindedly I pick the one that is the loudest, the one whose hand is raised the highest, the one who is yipping and snapping at my heels for attention. For a moment, I pet that little thing, letting it curl up in my lap. I think about whatever that little bit is, think about the circumstance that made me feel that way or the things I'm wanting or needing or hoping for. It seems the happy little bits, the content little bits and the peaceful little bits are the quietest. They are the one's in the back, politely waiting for their turn to be remembered. So today, I'm gonna choose. Just for a little while, I am gonna go to the back of the pack and pick up the happy piece, the content piece, the peaceful piece. I'm going to let them bring back the memories they hold and smile. Just for a little while, I am going to ignore those other pieces, the pieces screaming for my attention and snapping at me heels, and I am going to sit at the back of the pack with Happy, Content and Peace. Just for a little while...
I'm full of little bits right now. I'm a little bit of everything today. All these little bits, all crammed together in my body, fighting for space, for time, for thought. Each little bit is screaming, their little tiny hands raised, their cries echoing "Pick me, pick me." For a moment, I do. I don't mean to, but absentmindedly I pick the one that is the loudest, the one whose hand is raised the highest, the one who is yipping and snapping at my heels for attention. For a moment, I pet that little thing, letting it curl up in my lap. I think about whatever that little bit is, think about the circumstance that made me feel that way or the things I'm wanting or needing or hoping for. It seems the happy little bits, the content little bits and the peaceful little bits are the quietest. They are the one's in the back, politely waiting for their turn to be remembered. So today, I'm gonna choose. Just for a little while, I am gonna go to the back of the pack and pick up the happy piece, the content piece, the peaceful piece. I'm going to let them bring back the memories they hold and smile. Just for a little while, I am going to ignore those other pieces, the pieces screaming for my attention and snapping at me heels, and I am going to sit at the back of the pack with Happy, Content and Peace. Just for a little while...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Not My Will be Done
Today was... Interesting.
Didn't get much sleep last night, which wasn't good because I was REALLY tired. I had a fever/was really hot until around midnight when the meds kicked in. So ended up not falling asleep till around 3am, but did get some reading done (Started reading 40 weeks, that book I was talking about that my friend's mama wrote, and am loving it!)
Got up this morning and did some school, and am now babysitting while my mama get's a facial. I think it's easy to see who got the better end of the deal there. We ended up having destroyed mac and cheese for lunch. (Literally. I tried to make the home made stuff, and it ended up looking some what like mac and cheese clumps drowned in milk.) But the kids are eating it, which makes me happy. It did taste a lot better then it looked.
So while I was doing school, my mom called the hospital. She was gonna try and see when they could get me in to see the doctor down there to see when they could get me in for testing so they could maybe figure out the cause of all this pain. We were gonna try and book it for June, which is when we have to go down there anyway and see the other doctor, but the other doctor (The one I go to all the time) Isn't booking at the moment, so not even sure when we're gonna get down there to see anybody. As much as I didn't want all these tests to begin with, I am so sick of all this pain right now I just want them to do the testing and find out what's wrong with me. But now I'm not sure when that's gonna happen...
I took some more meds earlier, but they don't seem to be helping much. I am so tired from the lack of sleep. Hoping I'll maybe be able to get some rest later on.
I'm tired and sick
I want to be done with this body that is filled with sickness
I want to be healed and whole
Because there are days when it's all too much
And then I hear it
"Someday."
Someday, I will be healed and healthy and whole
Someday, I will be done with all this sickness and pain
Someday, I will look into my Father's face and know that there was a plan for this
Someday, It will be finished
But for now, I will look heaven ward...
And whisper through the pain
"Not my will be done, But Yours, Father"
Didn't get much sleep last night, which wasn't good because I was REALLY tired. I had a fever/was really hot until around midnight when the meds kicked in. So ended up not falling asleep till around 3am, but did get some reading done (Started reading 40 weeks, that book I was talking about that my friend's mama wrote, and am loving it!)
Got up this morning and did some school, and am now babysitting while my mama get's a facial. I think it's easy to see who got the better end of the deal there. We ended up having destroyed mac and cheese for lunch. (Literally. I tried to make the home made stuff, and it ended up looking some what like mac and cheese clumps drowned in milk.) But the kids are eating it, which makes me happy. It did taste a lot better then it looked.
So while I was doing school, my mom called the hospital. She was gonna try and see when they could get me in to see the doctor down there to see when they could get me in for testing so they could maybe figure out the cause of all this pain. We were gonna try and book it for June, which is when we have to go down there anyway and see the other doctor, but the other doctor (The one I go to all the time) Isn't booking at the moment, so not even sure when we're gonna get down there to see anybody. As much as I didn't want all these tests to begin with, I am so sick of all this pain right now I just want them to do the testing and find out what's wrong with me. But now I'm not sure when that's gonna happen...
I took some more meds earlier, but they don't seem to be helping much. I am so tired from the lack of sleep. Hoping I'll maybe be able to get some rest later on.
I'm tired and sick
I want to be done with this body that is filled with sickness
I want to be healed and whole
Because there are days when it's all too much
And then I hear it
"Someday."
Someday, I will be healed and healthy and whole
Someday, I will be done with all this sickness and pain
Someday, I will look into my Father's face and know that there was a plan for this
Someday, It will be finished
But for now, I will look heaven ward...
And whisper through the pain
"Not my will be done, But Yours, Father"
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I survived this one...
Today… was better. Not amazing, not wonderful, but better. I actually got 6 or so hours of sleep last night rather than the 4 or so hours I got the night before. I’m still in pain but it’s not as bad as it was yesterday. Hopefully it will keep getting better. Hopefully the doctors will be able to figure out what’s wrong with me soon.
I did some school this morning, a whole bunch of tests coming up in the next few days (Math, Science, Spelling and Missions) and I had an LA test today. We went into town after school was done, went to the chiropractor, got groceries, picked up a book (written by my best friend’s mom, so excited to read it!)
Did I mention I got a flower? I know it’s just a flower but I’m gonna try really hard to keep it alive this summer. Cause I’m like a flower murderer or something.
I did some school this morning, a whole bunch of tests coming up in the next few days (Math, Science, Spelling and Missions) and I had an LA test today. We went into town after school was done, went to the chiropractor, got groceries, picked up a book (written by my best friend’s mom, so excited to read it!)
Did I mention I got a flower? I know it’s just a flower but I’m gonna try really hard to keep it alive this summer. Cause I’m like a flower murderer or something.
Here's my quote for the day, which I am adding at the bottom of my post, just cause
'I got through this, I survived and the next one I'll survive even better'
Monday, May 23, 2011
Overcoming ~ Ashley
Too tired and hurting too much to think of something amazing and smart to write, so instead, here's some more of 'that' story. (I really need to think of a better name for it. any ideas?) So meet Ashley...
Ashley
Bridgette called me later that evening. “Ash?” I could barely hear her through the phone. “Bridgette.” “Ashley, did you…?” “Yeah, I heard.” I had heard about Brooke’s death, her murder. “She was my sister, Ash. My Twin sister.” I could tell that Bridgette was crying. “I know, Bridgette. I know.” Bridgette was sobbing now, struggling to breathe. “Want me to come over?” I asked. “No, I’ll be fine. Ok, that’s a lie. I’ll stop crying. I just really need to be with my family right now.” She sniffed and sighed. “Ok. You know I’m here for you right, Bridgie?” “Yeah, I know.” Bridgette said goodbye before hanging up. I curled up on the living room chair, feeling hopeless, helpless. “You ok, Ash?” My Mom stood in the doorway, her eyes studying me carefully. “Not really.” She came and sat down on the sofa. “Wanna talk about it?” “It’s just Bridgette. I mean, I just got off the phone with her. I feel so helpless, you know. Her sister died, her twin sister. What am I supposed to do? I mean, she’s my best friend. Her and Brooke and me, we’ve all been friends since we were little. Now Brooke is gone. How are we supposed to deal with that? How is she?” My mom took a deep breath. “Those are a lot of deep questions, honey. Here’s what I say. Be what Bridgette needs. If she needs a distraction, distract her. If she needs someone to talk about Brooke with, be there. Don’t get all weird around her just because Brooklyn is gone. Bridgette is your friend, and she needs you now more than ever. And don’t get so caught up in Bridgette losing her sister that you forget to grieve for your friend. You loved her, Ashley, I know you did. I know you love Bridgette, and that you’re worried about her loss. That makes you who you are. Don’t lose that, Ash. Just make sure you leave time for you to grieve Brooke. You lost something too. Remember that.” “I will, Mom, thanks.” “Anytime, sweetie.” My mom kissed my forehead before returning to the kitchen. I sat in the over sized chair, in the dark, for a while. Somewhere along the way our trio became two. We lost one of the people that made us who we were. I secretly wondered if Bridgette and I would be able to overcome that?
Leave your comments, and let me know what you think.
Ashley
Bridgette called me later that evening. “Ash?” I could barely hear her through the phone. “Bridgette.” “Ashley, did you…?” “Yeah, I heard.” I had heard about Brooke’s death, her murder. “She was my sister, Ash. My Twin sister.” I could tell that Bridgette was crying. “I know, Bridgette. I know.” Bridgette was sobbing now, struggling to breathe. “Want me to come over?” I asked. “No, I’ll be fine. Ok, that’s a lie. I’ll stop crying. I just really need to be with my family right now.” She sniffed and sighed. “Ok. You know I’m here for you right, Bridgie?” “Yeah, I know.” Bridgette said goodbye before hanging up. I curled up on the living room chair, feeling hopeless, helpless. “You ok, Ash?” My Mom stood in the doorway, her eyes studying me carefully. “Not really.” She came and sat down on the sofa. “Wanna talk about it?” “It’s just Bridgette. I mean, I just got off the phone with her. I feel so helpless, you know. Her sister died, her twin sister. What am I supposed to do? I mean, she’s my best friend. Her and Brooke and me, we’ve all been friends since we were little. Now Brooke is gone. How are we supposed to deal with that? How is she?” My mom took a deep breath. “Those are a lot of deep questions, honey. Here’s what I say. Be what Bridgette needs. If she needs a distraction, distract her. If she needs someone to talk about Brooke with, be there. Don’t get all weird around her just because Brooklyn is gone. Bridgette is your friend, and she needs you now more than ever. And don’t get so caught up in Bridgette losing her sister that you forget to grieve for your friend. You loved her, Ashley, I know you did. I know you love Bridgette, and that you’re worried about her loss. That makes you who you are. Don’t lose that, Ash. Just make sure you leave time for you to grieve Brooke. You lost something too. Remember that.” “I will, Mom, thanks.” “Anytime, sweetie.” My mom kissed my forehead before returning to the kitchen. I sat in the over sized chair, in the dark, for a while. Somewhere along the way our trio became two. We lost one of the people that made us who we were. I secretly wondered if Bridgette and I would be able to overcome that?
Leave your comments, and let me know what you think.
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