A year marked by love

Saturday, December 31, 2011 ~ The last day of 2011
Reading: Choosing to See by MaryBeth Chapman
What's on my mind: laughing in the face of tradgedies (Don't ask), the new year's eve party tonight, what happened in this year
Songs that were listened to today: Fences by Paramore (Quickly becoming my new favorite, described by me as deliciously morbid, again, don't ask)
Wearing: Dessert PJ pants and a pink tee shirt, but definatly changing later as I am not wearing this to the party tonight.

I hope the year 2012 brings:

• more happiness, and love, and hope


• growth in my relationship with God, and in my relationships with others


• My 16th Birthday

What else can I really ask for? If I have happiness and love, and am continuing to grow, and have life, what else can I really ask for?

The year 2011 brought:

• the entrance to my sophmore year of high school, and to the age 15


• The best summer ever, full of life and love and learning, and so many memories


• A book, a novel produced by my imagination


• The loss of a good friend, Spencer


• walking through a time of undiagnosed


• growth in my relationship with God, and in my life


• the realization that I am still becoming, and that that's ok


• Friends ~ amazing, beautiful, loving friends


• Hope, and trust, and Love


• Life

"People are really romantic about the beginnings of things. Fresh start, clean slate, a world of possibility. But no matter what new adventure you're embarking on, you're still you. You bring you into every new beginning in your life. So how different can it possibly be?"

It's always darkest before the dawn...

quote love: "yes, this diagnosis is unspeakably cruel, and living with it will be a daily struggle, but as long as the good days outnumber the bad you have to live those days"

I came across this pair of videos today, and felt like I needed to share. Watch them first, then I'll explain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmlTHfVaU9o&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4LSEXsvRAI&feature=related
I opened this link expecting to find another secret's video. I was assuming it would be good, but I wasn't expecting I would cry. I was just into part 1 when the emotion began and I could feel tears building up behind my eyes. It wasn't because this story was so heartbreaking, but because it was so relatable.

I was young, if I had to guess I would probably say I was around 9. It was another round of the flu for me, and another hospital trip. I don't remember any details about that day, but I remember one thing. I remember I was in the trauma room, and there was a team of doctors and nurses above me trying frantically to get an IV in. And then there was my dad. The nurses kept asking me questions, about my name and where I was and about my family and my dog. They asked me what breed my dog was, and I said she was a golden retriever. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I knew they were wrong, but it was like I couldn't stop them, and couldn't make find a way to speak those right words. I watched helplessly as the nurses asked my dad if I was right, and he shook his head. I was in bad shape at that point, my blood sugar crashing quickly. I remember the feeling that followed, of sinking. It was almost as if I was drifting down below the water, my senses becoming clouded. It was almost like the fog came over me, and I felt peace. I remember thinking "This is it, I'm going to die." But it was like I was wrapped in a warm blanket, I was safe and warm and at peace. And I closed my eyes, and everything faded away, and I just was, being held by these invisible arms and at peace.

Do you believe in angels, in God? Do you believe that God is real, and He is close to the brokenhearted and the sick and the lost? Do you believe that you can be held in the arms of God, and that it is the best feeling in the world, and that even admist all that fear and worry and panic, peace and comfort can be found? I do.

My life in 10 Quotes

Your faith can’t be based on what God does, but who God is

Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts

You know those moments when you totally don't wanna cry, but... you're not quite sure what else to do?

My life was a sea of conflicting emotions, but the one thing kept me going was our bond... our connection. It made me feel like I wasn't alone, like i was part of something special

Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, dont worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede...The famine will end...The sun will shine tomorrow...and I will always be here to take care of you

What the heart once owned, it shall never lose

It's always darkest before the dawn

I am hoping with a fragile hope

Life is messy and full of heartbreaking tradgedies that I never see coming until they envelop me, but somehow love keeps me moving through all of that

I love you

Here's a Christmas post for you introverts!

http://sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/2011/12/driving-miss-daisy-ahem-paigie.html

Most of you who are reading this blog probably know that I love sharing posts that made a difference in my life, or connected with me in some way. Here's the post I want to share with you today, on this snow-less Christmas morn. It was written by my best friend's mom, about my best friend and it brought a smile to my face. I hope it will do the same with yours. So Merry Christmas, to my introverted friends who will read this today, and to my extroverted friends who are soaking up the activity and will read this later on, after Christmas has passed. (Can you guess which one I am???)
I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Wishing you a Merry Christmas, and sending my love from this place barren of snow (Aka New Bothwell Manitoba)
:)

Homesick

We made it to Manitoba for Christmas today. The ground here is covered in even less snow then we have back at home, if that's even possible! The ride up here was laced with memories. Every resturant we stopped at on the missions trip, the hotel we stayed at, certain signs we laughed at while playing the alphabet game, even something as simple as a suitcase brings back a flood of memories. On the trip up even the smallest things would make me smile because I would remember, and those memories made me so happy. I knew there would be a certain degree of remembering, but I never expected as many memories as I got. It's also bittersweet, knowing that even though I am surrounded by these wonderful memories, I won't get to walk that same hallway or sleep in the same room at Grace Point or work with those beautiful kids again or hang out with my amazing team. I miss them like crazy (Wierd, eh, cause I just saw them less then a week ago!) They're my team, my 'family' and seeing them feels like coming home.

The Tree of Sophie

I started editing my novel. I find myself wishing I was the kind of person like my main character is. That sounds sort of funny to write, because I created this character, but I wish that inside me lay the same strength, the same passion, and the same beauty that I so clearly see in my main character, Sophie. Maybe some of you have figured out by now that Sophie's story is mine, or the seed planted for this story stemmed from my own experiences. I wrote this story as I was in a place of brokenness, and of hurt, and of wondering and grieving and questioning. Now, as I edit, I am also in a place of wondering, a place of questioning. It makes me wish I was as strong as my Sophie girl. It also makes me think I should take my own advice. I wish I could share with all of you every word, every sentance, every paragraph, of this novel that has inspired me, spoken to me and connected with me, but if I did that I would be posting the majority of my novel. But here's a little bit of what I'm talking about:

I wonder if I am so urgently holding on to any thread of control that comes my way that I am forgetting to give it all to the One who gives, and takes away.
I think I’m scared to offer it all up, the life of this precious one whom I love so abundantly, my very own life, to the One who controls it all, because what if He says no? What if the results I have been so desperately waiting for come out as the results I fear the most? What if God chooses to not give me what I want, but instead give me what fits into His plan for me? I know His plan for me is good, but I wonder if I can take anymore of this excruciating pain. I wonder what would happen if God decided to say no, to take my own life.
I tell myself over and over again that I would trust Him, that no matter what He said, my answer would always be yes. But would it be? If it came down to it, would I blindly follow, even after experiencing the rejection of my plans and desires?
The question running through my mind is am I able, and willing, to lay down all these battles at the feet of the One who ultimately holds it all, at the feet of the One who has the power to give, and to take away.

Swing set Secrets

"I wish all problems could still be solvedd with a swingset."
We were small, with blonde hair flying out behind us. We furiously pumped our little legs, the burgandy red seats under us. Summer tangled itself in my hair, the wind caressing my skin. Up, down, up down. The pattern continued as we soared higher and higher. It was there, being held by the wind, that I was safe. No problems could get me, no monsters could catch me. When I was planted on the swing, the sun on my face, with my best friend by my side, there I was safe. Nothing mattered anymore, not when I swung under a canopy of blue skies. I wish all problems were that easy to solve. I wish that by taking a running leap and lifting myself up off the ground, I could leave my problems to fall to the ground with the dust my heels kicked up, just like when I was younger.