The Modesty Debate

It's going around on Facebook again: the modesty debate. Different friends post different articles about modesty, each with their own valid opinion. And I'm tired of hearing about it. Honestly, I think it doesn't matter. Maybe that's not the right attitude to have. But last time I checked no one's salvation was hanging off the fact she decided to wear a mini skirt.
I remember reading the dress code for PRBI and complaining. It was something often discussed between girls in the dorm, something I sighed in frustration about to my friends and boyfriend when all I wanted to do was wear yoga pants and be comfortable, and something I personally never came to terms with.
I don't agree with everything written about modesty in the PRBI handbook. I don't agree with everything written about modesty in every blog post, news article and essay I've read.
So, if I don't think modesty is one of those issues worth fighting over, why am I writing a blog post on it? Mostly because I'm frustrated, and because these thoughts have been stirring up in my mind for a while now.
I'm more than willing to admit right now that my opinions could be wrong. In my mind whether or not I was on the wrong side of the modesty debate way back in college will not effect my eternal salvation. I don't think Jesus cares all that much if I decided to wear yoga pants to class one day. I think He's more concerned with my heart, and how I loved people, and how I served and how I lived my life.
I understand modesty. Growing up I was often told we didn't wear outfits that revealed too much skin in our house. I know the lectures about the first thing the eye wanders to, and keeping others from falling into temptation.
But I think the whole issue of modesty in our churches especially is contributing to rape culture. I believe that teaching girls and young women to cover up to prevent boys from stumbling is teaching her that her body is dangerous. Because she is told to cover up, she is told that her body is something to keep hidden, which can be interpreted to mean that her body is shameful. I got the talks where my parents and youth leaders and other well meaning adults tried to tell me that this isn't the case but as a high school and now college aged girl that's what I'm hearing. Instead of teaching a woman that she is a person of value with a mind, heart, soul and body, she is confined to the idea that she is a stumbling block. I heard it said from a secular perspective that when we tell a girl in class to change because she is being a distraction, we are subtly telling her that someone not being able to control himself is more important than her education. I believe the things we say to rape victims like "Well, what were you wearing?" only further pushes the issue that men cannot control their actions, and women are expected to cover up and show less skin to prevent unwanted advances.
Growing up my parents, sister and I occasionally had the conversation about why someone would want to dress like that. At least for me personally the answer is what I wear has little effect on my body image, self esteem... I wear shorter dresses because I like them and I like how I feel in them, not because I want to show anything off. And in terms of modesty what the length of my hemline or the cut of my shirt doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with God. I'm not less of a Christian for wearing yoga pants to the grocery store. I'm not more of a Christian because I wear long skirts.
One of the biggest arguments I've heard is that lack of modesty (however that is defined) is more of a stumbling block. I've talked about this with guys and girls, and I understand the perspective. I understand that for some people it's a really big issue, and they will do whatever it takes to help the "weaker brother." But during my relentless discussions on this topic with friends (guys and girls) I've heard this: "I'm tired of hearing that I (guys) don't have self control."
I've heard stories of girls (and been the girl) who were called out on the street wearing a hoodie and jeans. I think lust and stumbling will happen regardless of what a woman is wearing, and our thoughts should be more on what can we do to help work against rape culture rather than constantly criticize and comment on what someone is wearing.
In all honesty, I think the modesty debate doesn't matter. The world won't change because every single girl decides to cover up, even if it's out of love and genuine concern for those around her. I think the world will change when we start honestly telling girls that they are beautiful: mind, body, and soul. I believe the world will change when lessons on self control and respect are just as prevalent as those telling young women about modesty.

(While it's not a post specifically on modesty, I love Sarah Bessey's post on why she loves being friends with people who wear bikinis. I agree with a lot of her statements. That post actually inspired some of what's in this post. It's well worth the read. And I'm glad that I'm friends with people who wear bikinis too)

Born this way

I think there's something to be said for suffering. We live in an age where we are so blessed that we can medicate when we need to; headaches, childbirth, dentistry, fevers, surgeries... But as a result, we've grown to expect less suffering in life - and in death. We even attempt to medicate heartbreak. Don't get me wrong - I've downed more than my fair share of painkillers when I've needed them - and I've dealt with the annoyance and frustration of suffering with migraines that hurt more than my natural childbirths. I've given medications or cough candies to my children... and while I understand that pain is not fun - and, yes, I do try to avoid it - or seeing my children in it, some days I wonder if we're trading off something precious when we make it our goal to avoid suffering completely.

1am had come and gone and thanks to some wonderful insomnia, I was still awake. Staring at the ceiling, journaling until my hand started cramping up and I couldn't think straight enough to finish a thought.
I was thinking about suffering.
In chronic illness, like in a lot of things, I think, there are a lot of misunderstandings. It leaves the patient (namely me, yesterday) feeling alone and frustrated. It feels like on top of actually feeling the physical pain, you have to defend it. Everyone seems to need a reason for why things are the way they are or why I'm feeling the way I am.
I'm tired of hearing everyone's opinions on how I should act or how I should treat my illness and my body. I'm tired of people in general acting like they have some sort of right to how I live my life.
And I feel like, in dealing with a chronic illness, people expect you to make yourself smaller. If you're having a flare, you have to have done something wrong. If you can't get out of bed in the morning or can't take a shower it's because you're not trying hard enough.
I think a lot of people expect patients with any kind of illness to be positive and happy all the time and that's really not true. And I feel like people are uncomfortable when they see that side that is real and honest and that really sucks sometimes.
"Stay in your little closet until you find a cure," They'll whisper, "Once you get a cure, then you can inspire people. But right now you're sick and unless you can pretend like that part of you doesn't exist then stay back."

I think, as a society, we're so quick to shrug off suffering. There's a quick fix for everything, even though it's not always that simple. One of the problems with this I see is that no one ever teaches you how to live with that pain or how to embrace who you are now.
Yeah, my life changed dramatically when I got sick. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. But I get treated like it is. I get shoved back into the corner, afraid to be myself because I'll be judged or pitied or whatever. I can't be real because that's wrong. I have to just sit there in my nice little closet and say magic words and believe I can get better and be positive all the time and then, once I get better, then I can come out.
I think more and more people are acting like suffering shouldn't be allowed. If you're sick, you take medicine and get better. If you're depressed, you take pills and make yourself happy again. As a society, I think we're uncomfortable with pain and suffering and anything that's different. There has to be something wrong with you and you have to fix it as soon as possible. And you better not inconvenience anyone with your pain. Basically sit down, shut up and smile.
I think this naturally brings me to a question of, "Do I want to be sick?" Well, obviously not. No human being in their right mind would choose agonizing pain and feeling misunderstood and being judged for something they can't control.
Do I believe I can get better? Yes. I totally believe if He wanted to, God could heal me.
Do I think it will happen in this lifetime? No, I don't. It's a possibility, but I don't believe it will happen, at least not in the way everyone expects it to.
But, here's the thing, and it's something I'm still learning too, there's nothing wrong with who I am right now. Being sick has taught me so many things and I've had so many wonderful opportunities and I'm proud of who I am. I don't ever want to make myself smaller or try to fit inside neat little boxes. This is who I am and I'm not going to stop being myself because it makes someone uncomfortable.
Being sick is a huge part of who I am. It impacts my daily life. And while, yes, it sucks, I wouldn't ever want to change it because it has made me who I am today. And I'm proud of that person.
I'm not looking for a quick fix. I'm not looking to make myself smaller and quieter and more socially acceptable. I don't want to hide those real honest parts of me and what I go through and just gloss over things and pretend everything is fine.
It's ok not to be fine. It's ok to be different. It's ok to fight and struggle and cry.
I am open to healing. I'm working every day on getting better and on feeling better. But right now, this is who I am. For the rest of my life, this will be who I am, regardless of whether or not I get a 'magic cure' or not. Every single day of my life I will fight and struggle and I'll have flares and be sick. It doesn't mean I did something wrong or that I could have prevented it. I can't live my whole life in the what if's.
I'm open to all the possibilities my future will hold. Maybe that does mean the doctors finding a cure for my diseases or maybe it means me having less flares and feeling better or maybe they won't find a cure and I'll spend the rest of my life walking this tight rope between feeling good and feeling like I got hit by a bus. And I'm ok with that.
Are you?
I'm doing this my way. I'm doing this honest and real and I'm not stifling myself to make you comfortable. I'm going to shine, either come with me or get out of my way.

Kony 2012 is not my passion... part 2

To me, it's all an extension of prolife... Understanding the intrinsic value of each tiny life... In the womb, or kidnapped from their bed in Africa. I might not understand the vision of this particular organization that is calling the united states military into action, but I stand with my brothers and sisters that want to see an end to injustice, and protection of the innocent

The whole issue of Kony 2012 is confusing me. I don't know a whole lot about it, so I am just posting inklings of my not fully formed thoughts. The comment above (on my initial post... you can read it HERE) was thought provoking, and once I read it I knew THAT was what I wanted to say.

Like the comment said, I don't understand the vision of this particular organization that is calling the US military into action. I don't doubt that Kony is a criminal, but the whole organization of Kony 2012, the whole idea of getting the US military involved... that causes me to pause. The issue of Kony 2012 is something I've been wrestling with ever since I watched the video for the first time. It breaks my heart to hear of these great injustices going on in our world. I believe that every life is of value, in being a voice for the voiceless.

I guess with saying all that, I believe that Kony is an evil man and needs to be stopped, and that behind the Kony 2012 campaign are good intentions, but I don't believe in Kony 2012.

http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com.nyud.net/ (I'd encourage you to read this article (I liked it, and found it made me think) read a bit more into it and develop your own opinion before jumping on the Kony 2012 bandwagon.)

Washing Feet and Changing Hearts

I read a blog post today about my friend, and why she chose not to go on a missions trip to Vancouver. She recognized the need in her own community, and wanted to help there. I'm proud of her, for putting out there what she thought. At the bottom of the post was a link to a set of articles on short term missions and the negative aspects. I think it's safe to say I wasn't in agreement with those articles. I agree, some churches do missions trips like some college kids do spring break - hanging out on the beaches. They get support for being "Good Christians" and going on a missions trip. They raise thousands of dollars, and go to some place where they do charity work and pretend that they are so much better then these people. I agree with that, because some churches DO do missions trips like kids do spring break. But the way these articles were written I felt like all short term missions teams were grouped together. Some of the title headings of these articles were "Sorry poor people, it's not about you." and "using your poor kids to teach my rich kid a lesson." I'll let you take from these articles what you will, but I was offended at the way she handled this.

I was contemplating writing this article before what happened this afternoon. This afternoon Uncle Trevor came by. For those of you (Ok for most of you) who don't know who Uncle Trevor is, he worked at Grace Point, the Church plant we worked at while we were in inner city Winnipeg. He was down for a family gathering (He's the brother of the pastor at our church) and they borrowed some stuff so they came by to drop it off. I didn't think I was going to see him before he left, so having him drop by was a nice surprise.

I think what our team did on the missions trip wasn't like kids let loose for spring break. The trip wasn't about us, it was about the people we were going there to serve. Sure, it changed my heart and the way I look at life, but it wasn't about me. I was there to serve, and to love and I felt God calling me there to love His children. that was why I went. It was never about me. Would I say it made a lasting impact on me, yes. It has changed the way I look at life. Still, 6 months later, I am finding all these little effects that have come up from the missions trip. and yes, it did teach me to be grateful for what I have, but so does looking at pictures of people in third world countries. What I learned was bigger then just being grateful. It was more then just going there to have a spiritual experience and for me, even though I did end up getting so much out of it. There is so much more I could say on this subject, but I'll finish with this. I did get so much out of it, and I did gain appreciation for my life and I did have those spiritual moments, but I served, and I loved, and I laughed, and I played, and I learned.

John 13: 12-14

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.

If you want to read the article I mentioned written by my friend, you can find it here: http://www.thestoryofmeandmyposse.blogspot.com/2012/01/reason-im-not-going-on-missions-trip.html

This also includes the link to those other posts I was talking about