Saturday, June 22, 2013


I've been thinking a lot lately about love, and bravery, and honesty. And my people, and who I am and life in general. It's summer and late night conversations and getting together for Starbucks seems to pull these kinds of things out of me, one following the other, like a magician and his scarves.
I've been thinking lately about how life is short. I mean, it's not, it's long and the days seem long and the months seem long but looking back there somehow wasn't enough time for me to say the things I needed to say before it was too late.
A few months ago, I made a promise. Under a March sky with the snow crunching under my boots and horse hair on my coat, I promised I would learn from my mistakes. Instead of thinking about the words I never got to say, I would do something about it. I would say what I needed to say because the only thing guaranteed is this moment.
I'm learning the value of relationships. Within the past few days I have had friends challenge me on the topic of honesty. And I'm learning being honest isn't a bad thing. Saying what you need to say isn't wrong. Even if you have no idea how things will turn out. Even if it changes everything, and even if it changes nothing. Honesty is brave and speaking your truth (over coffee or late night texts) is brave. Not letting a moment go by without letting the people you love know that you love them, that's pretty brave in my opinion.
Sometimes that's life. Standing on the edge of a cliff and jumping, even if you don't know what's waiting on the other side. I heard a quote once that said "You don't know where to go but you know you can't stay here."
And so you jump.
Even if you don't know what comes next, you jump.
You have to jump into people and trust they'll be there to catch you
Even if you blurt out your thoughts in a way that isn't pretty or neat or polite
Even if you tell them the deepest, darkest parts of your story
You have to say what you need to say and take that jump, trusting that people will catch you when you do.
You know what people I mean. They're my people. They are the people that accept my random outbursts with grace. They're the people who give me a huge reality check when I need one or tell me to get some sleep, saying things will look better in the morning. They're the people who help me remember who I really am. Sometimes they're the people who keep me from doing something really stupid, and sometimes they do the stupid things with me, things we can all laugh about years from now. They put up with me writing about them all the time. These are my people.
And I'm learning to let them in. I'm learning to say what I need to say and trust that, in the end, they'll still be here. Because they love me, not who I pretend to be.
So that's where I am: being real, being honest, being brave, loving wildly and fully and learning to trust that my people will be there even when...
I'm learning what it means to jump

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