Monday, February 28, 2011

The Perfect Love Story

I was doing my devotions the other night, after a particularily stressful day, when I realized something. I had just finished my Bible reading (Luke 9: 18-28) and it was talking about how Jesus is in the drivers seat of my life and how we should not run from suffering, but embrace it. So, I had just finished reading that in my Bible, and I was sitting down with my journal and my lovely purple gel pen. I was re-capping my day, when I had one of those aha moments. It's like a moment where everything finally clicked and I got it. I was journaling about something I found, about how pain is pain. Every situation is unique. Like no one can know exactly how you're feeling because they have never been there. I found this quote on a website earlier that night (Before I was journaling) and I hope it sort of sums up what I'm trying to say. It says "Don't ever let anyone tell you that it's wrong or even feel guility for feeling what you are feeling. Yes, there are some who have it worse. But right now... what you feel is all your own." So I was journaling about that quote, when something hit me. My pain is all my own. No one gets how I'm feeling because no one has been there. yeah, it might not be the biggest thing in the world. But it matters to me. Just like what you are feeling could be way different then what I feel, but neither one is more importent. Pain is pain, and right now, the pain you're feeling matters to you just like the pain I'm feeling matters to me. I also realized that my pain matters just as much to God as that girl over there or that boy. It's not that somebody's pain is more importent. My pain matters to God because I matter to God. He cares about the things that hurt me, because He cares about me. He's going to be there for me, no matter what. He created me and He loves me, so much. Ok, my pain might not be the worst thing in the world. It probably isn't. There are a lot of worse things that are happening right then. But this is my pain and this is my hurt. It's hurting me, and that's hurting God. Yeah, there is so much going on in this world. Children are starving, parents are fighting, teenagers are trying to find that love they never felt when they were growing up. Bad things are happening and there are lots of things that are hurting people. What I'm going through might seem really un-importent compared to all those people. But you know what? What I'm facing matters to God. Even with all that stuff going on, what's happening to me matters to God. Does that not just blow your mind? Even with everything going on in this world, You and what you're facing matters to God. and, you know what? That hurt you feel is no less importent then the hurts of millions of people around the world. Your pain matters to God because YOU matter to God. My pain matters to God because I matter to God. I find it strange to think that with everything going on in this world, that God would still have time to care about those things that hurt me, that are probably so tiny compared to some of the other things people are going through. But what I feel matters, because I matter. I totally love just saying that, because it's true. I matter to God. He loves me and He delights in me. He has written my name on the palm of His hand and my laughter echoes off of his heart. He carries me when I don't have strength and He holds me when I cry. He's not leaving me alone to do this. He is with me, always. He does this all because He loves me, more then I could ever imagine. He loves me. I matter. Someone like me matters to the KING OF THE UNIVERSE!! Did you get that? Someone like you matters to God. He's not going to leave you out there alone. He always has time for you. Your hurt matters to God because You matter to God. What you're feeling matters because you matter. Do you love hearing that as much as I do? It's like, no matter what happens to me, if it hurts me, it matters to God. If I care about it, so does He. Why? Because I matter. Because you matter. To the KING OF THE UNIVERSE, we matter. If it matters to you, it matters to God. Because He is crazy about you. He loves you and He is never letting go of you. When He died on that cross, He thought of you. He thought of you, and even though He could have saved His own life, He didn't. He died, because He loved you so much. Isn't that the perfect love story? You matter to God. He loves you more then you will ever know. He is never too busy for those things that matter to you. He is always there, and He is never letting go. Do you believe that, really believe that? Do you believe that God could love someone like you? That you matter. He loves us. More then we will ever know. We matter. He has picked us and chosen us and taken us just as we are, broken and bleeding and at the lowest of lows. He has found us there, and He loves us anyways. He know's we'll mess up. He know's we're only human. He get's that we'll make mistakes sometimes. But no sin is too big for God to forgive. Nothing we could have done is so bad that God won't take us back, that He won't run to us with open arms when we come home. He loves us. Oh How He Loves Us.

Monday, February 21, 2011

What Can I Give?

Have you ever had those moments when you stare at a blank screen and wait, hoping some amazing burst of genius will come to you and you will have exactly the words to write? I'm having one of those moments right now. I continually come back to this blank screen and stare at it, hoping I can find the words that are amazing and inspiring and just the right words. Again and again, I leave the page blank, not writing anything. I have nothing that will inspire, nothing that will give hope or leave a mark on someone's life. I don't have answers, and I don't have anything to give. I am in this place, trying to come up with something, anything, to give that might be of worth. But that's the thing. I am trying to find something I can give that is of worth. But I don't have to bring anything. Just as I am, God takes me in. I don't have to have the right words, because God knows what is on my heart. I don't have to have all the answers, because He does. I don't have to come up with something worthy, because He just wants me, all of me. I am worthy. I don't need to wait until I have something to give, I can come as I am. As I am, empty, broken, with nothing to give. I can come and give Him my heart, give Him everything I have inside me, all of those feelings I can't put into words, all of those thoughts that haven't been voiced, all those questions I've never asked, all of those hopes and dreams and passions that lay unawakened inside of me. Like that song you usually hear around Christmas. What can I give Him, poor as I am? What can I give Him, as empty and confused and wordless as I am? Maybe when I'm full-er, maybe when I sort things out, maybe when I have the right words. But there it is, that tiny voice. Come as you are, it says. You don't have to have all the right words, just come as you are. You don't have to have anything to give, just give me your heart.
'What can I give Him, Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring Him a lamb
If I were a wise man, I would sure do my part
So What can I give Him?
I'll give Him my heart'

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Guess what?

Ok, there's not really a story here, but some exciting news. I got my learners today!!! I could have gotten them in November, but I was kind of lazy and didn't want to drive in the winter anyway. So, I got my leaners now. Very exciting news!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Open Hands

Sometimes, when you stop holding so tightly to the things of your life, when you loosen your hold and trust that God has it all under control, things start to happen. It might not even be a big thing. It might be something tiny that you are holding on to because, for some reason, you think you can do it better then God. I know, it might not be the smartest the smartest thing someone has ever done, but I can't say I'm innocent. I, too, at times have thought that I could run my own life better then God could. Big mistake. I was holding onto the things in my life, holding onto everything I could to try and stay in control of my own life. I didn't trust that God would be who He said He would be and do what He said He would do. I thought that I knew just where my life should go and just what should happen. I knew that God has plans for me, but I thought that I could do it better. Do I need to say I was wrong? God has plans for me that are BIGGER and BETTER then the plans I could ever have for myself. If I was planning my own life, I know I would mess up. I can't see the future. Even if it doesn't make any sense right now, maybe it's because God has better plans for me for my future, and I just don't see it yet. I realized that sometimes, when you open your hands and give everything to God, your hopes and dreams and plans and wants and desires, He might just put something in your empty hands. You never know what might happen if you give it to God. It might be something better then you ever imagined. It might be something that could only happen when you have empty hands, and aren't clinging to those plans you have for your life. When you open your hands and give it to God, He might just put something in your empty hands.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Rule Number...

Rule Number 1 is don't worry about the things that God has under control. Rule number 2 is that God has everything under control.