Finding my Muchness...

You used to be much more... muchier. You've lost your muchness. ~ Mad Hatter

She should be used to my random texts by now... After our conversation on Katniss and Peeta (Yes I did cave into peer pressure and read the Hunger Games) and my random comments that usually go something like...

"Hey, I'm going to complain now..." Or "(Insert quote of the week here)" Or, the infamous "I just did something stupid!" She should be used to it by now

But I wonder if anything ever prepared her for this one... "I want to wear sparkly shoes and a ball gown and go grocery shopping!"

She answered back with "Me too!" (However did I get such amazing friends?)

I'm finding my muchness. I've dreamed of crazy situations, like skydiving or riding a mechanical bull (I've settled for the mechanical type because a horn connecting with any body part doesn't sound fun!). But sometimes it's the little things that mean as much as the big things...

Like wearing red heels in the middle of winter (Or anytime for that matter!) or wearing Wonderstruck perfume even when you have absolutely no place to be, simply because it smells good. Like walking barefoot on the grass or writing those delicious first words of a story without having any idea what will come next.

So I'm going to find my muchness, red heels on my feet and the sun on my back. And who knows, one day maybe I will go shopping in a ball gown!

My night with Bob and Marjorie

Whenever I read this title, I think it sounds like I spent the night with two old people. I DID NOT spend the night with two old people. Marjorie is a fancy name for my pump (and yes, I name my medical equipment. I figure if you're stuck with it, you may as well try and make the best of it) and Bob is the name of my undiagnosed disease. Again, if he's staying, He needs a name.

It was the wee hours of the morning. I hadn't slept at all yet (Can anyone say insomniac?) Suddenly, she began beeping. Loud, shrill beeping. I groaned, fumbling for the light. No food, no food. Her cries echoed out over my empty room.

I calmly pulled my tired self out of bed, stumbling around in the dark on my way to the kitchen.

Just kidding. I took the pillow and smacked it before grumbling and groaning all the way to the kitchen.

I turned on the light and began rinsing the line. If at first I didn't succeed, I tried again.

Just kidding. After a few failed attempts I began to cry and wanted to start looking for the hammer.

After my failed attempts, my mom came out and tried to fix it. I sat on the counter and patiently waited as she tried to fix it.

Just kidding. After more failed attempts I suggested the hammer again.

We finally got it to work and I returned to bed, holding my breath, feeling like I was praying for a miracle. I lay awake in the dark, longing for sleep that never came.Eventually sleep came, and I drifted into dreamland for a few blissful hours before I had to wake up to begin my day.

Pretty soon I forgot that my night with Bob and Marjorie had ever happened, soon forgetting that this wasn't the way that normal teenagers spend their nights.

Except that I didn't.

Australian Invasion...

Quite recently, we have had Australians join our SBW (Starbright world) crew. Recently it's just been us north americans, so it was quite a switch. I was on as one by one, they slowly entered our chatroom doors. We, due to over exuberant hosts taking the lead, were anxiously waiting to welcome these new comers. It was soon declared that the chat room was chaos. We had Australians trying to get used to the new system (Since our two systems are merging.) Like ship wreck victims, the Aussies began to search for others from their old sight. We would get the random message of "Where is so and so... I can't find so and so... WHERE IS SO AND SO!!!!" And, of course, we had to get used to their new way of things too. Over the hour or so, so many of them entered. I think we were oficially had an Australian invasion. It was pure madness. Their SBW was/is called live wire, and all their chat hosts have different names, and our time zones were all mixed up. Anyway, later that night, once I had clicked the off button on my computer and shut down all the madness, I was sitting with my journal, contemplating on what I had just experienced. The whole time, I had been... unsettled with this whole thing. They were here, in my space, taking over. They were new and scary. But then I realized, what if it's not about me. I'm here, in my space, surrounded by 2 of *my hosts* with *my* people. Here they are, on a new website, not in their place at all, with none of their hosts or friends. So what if I have to get out of my comfort zone a little? So what if I have to adjust my speech, or my ever present sarcasm, so they don't take offense. So what if I have to step outside of my little bubble a little bit, to make them feel welcome in this place that's so new and strange to them. This is just as new and overwhelming to them as it is to me. So maybe I can. Maybe I'll step out of my comfort bubble and reach out. Maybe I'll go out of my way to make them feel welcome. Maybe I'll make a couple of those minor changes, that really wouldn't affect me, to make them feel welcome.

I'm Back!!! (With a list)

We've been without internet for a couple of days now, and of course, the time when we are without internet is the time when everything that happens to me seems worthy of a blog post or a facebook status. Then, of course, once you do get internet back all of those old new things don't seem as importent anymore because they have been replaced by new new things. Either way, here's some of the old new things that I was ready to tell you about a while ago, but couldn't...

• I got school books. School books! A reminder that school is just around the corner (Like appx. a week around the corner) and it's time to get back into routine and learning and homework and deadlines.


• I got a new cell phone. With texting and a keypad and a Taylor Swift ringtone. (I was thinking of naming my phone Ruby (Yes, I name my phones) How does that sound?)


• I finished writing that thing I wasn't sure how I was going to write, about working with the kids at Grace Point. I didn't find the 'right' words, but I did find words that describe what we did and what the kids were like (sorta) Now I only have to get through reading it at the meeting tonight, and again in church on Sunday and I'm home free. Why does reading it sound so complicated now?


• We're going to Edmonton tomorrow. For a vacation. No hospitals or doctors or tests or anything of the sort. For some reason, even if I know we're going to Edmonton for fun, I can't get over my phobia of hospitals and doctors and tests. I just relate Edmonton to the hospital, don't ask me why. And for some reason also unknown to me, staying in a hotel in Edmonton gives me that panicky feeling of having to go to the hospital the next day, even if I know we're not going to the hospital. So my blog posts may cease to be until next Monday.

Like I said, everything seems so much less-importent now because the old new things that were exciting and blog-worthy have been replaced by new new things, which seem much less blog worthy. Hopefully I'll be back to blogging somewhat regularly next week. Until then fill my inbox with lovely comments (Not just facebook notifications)

Random

I feel like all I ever talk about lately is being sick. It feels like that's all I think about. I'm either thinking about the pain or discomfort that I'm experiencing or thinking ahead to the next test. I'm always having to mentally keep track of my blood sugar and when I need to eat and how I need to work my schedule around that. For me, doing anything else would be totally wierd, since I've been doing this my whole life. But there are times when I stop and think about how, to everyone else, how I live and function is wierd. It's wierd to think about sometimes. Sometimes I think about everything I missed. I think of the things I didn't get to do because I was in the hospital or things I can't do because I'm sick and doing them would be dangerous. Sometimes I feel sad, that I didn't get to have a 'normal' childhood. I know that I gained so much too, but sometimes it doesn't help. I still feel sad for what I lost, even knowing everything I gained.
Here's a list about other stuff I want to say, but that is too long to write about.

1. The tests went ok, I think. I got blood work (Only needed two pokes!) an X-Ray, some breath test where I had to drink this really sour, powdery lemonade thing and breathe into a tube and an ultrasound. So much for the ultrasound being a painless test, cause it hurt.


2. My stomach has been bothering me lots in the past few days (Since Wednesday.) I took some chewy things today that might help, and they tasted like I was eating chalk.


3. It is snowing. In June. I was all depressed the other day because it was June and I wasn't ready for summer and there's still so much for me to do. And now it snows. I have a thought that maybe God is laughing at my worries and showing me that He is in control.


4. I was sitting in the chair this morning, all curled up in a blanket. I had just taken those chalk things and still wasn't feeling any better, and I was tired from the lack of sleep last night. Jaxon asked if I was feeling good and I said no. "It's ok, I'll help you," He told me. He went off to get my comb and hair elastics and started doing my hair. It was so sweet.

The little things

Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference in a day. Those little things that make you smile but don't really seem that big when you think back. Recently, I've started making a list before I go to bed of everything I was thankful for in that day. I come up with things like an amazing youth group who makes me laugh, grey's anatomy nights, that feeling of peace or love or joy or whatever I'm feeling that day, talking to my friends or comments from people that made my day. Before I started making my lists, I would think back over my day, but I wouldn't see those tiny details that made all the difference. I wouldn't think that I was so thankful for grey's anatomy because it was a break I needed and it gave me something to look forward to all day. I wouldn't think that what that person said to me at church made me smile. I would focus on everything bad that happened that day, like failing a test or getting bad news or having a fight with a friend. I'm realizing that the little things can have a big impact on my day. I'm thankful for those little things that make me smile and give me hope on a crappy day. The little things that give me hope every day reminds me of how blessed I really am. And when I start actually telling God that I am thankful for those things, things start to change. It's not all, today was so horrible. it turns into, today was horrible BUT I found hope in this or this made me smile and gave me the strength to keep going. It's in those little things where I find hope on a day where I just can't do it anymore.
So, here are some of the things I am thankful for on this fine day
1. pink pens
2. getting to show the new hosts the ropes, and being frozen by Jill so she could test out the buttons (SBW)
3. Lovely new Erynn Mangum books that make me laugh and cry all at the same time (Maybe I'll review one soon)
4. random conversations

ok, so that's just some of the things I am thankful for today. What are you thankful for today? What's giving you hope?

Rule Number...

Rule Number 1 is don't worry about the things that God has under control. Rule number 2 is that God has everything under control.

Unlocked

I started the book Unlocked yesterday. I'm only a few chapters into it, but it's about an 18 year old boy with Autism, Holden Harris, and the key that unlocks his heart, music. I'm sure this is going to be another good book by Karen Kingsbury.
At riding yesterday, I rode a horse named Tidy. Next week, I'm going to be a 'guinea pig and ride Brooke. She's a Morgan Mare, and hasn't acually been ridden by a rider yet, so we'll see.
MaryLu Tyndall emailed me today and we should have the answers to that author interview thing by this weekend.

Did Anyone know...

That today is National Bologna day? That's right, today is officially known as National Bologna day. Yesterday was Mole day, alone with national IPod day, and tomorrow is Punk for a day day. Here's the wierd holidays for the rest of October, I found them really cool.
26: Mule day
27: Sylvia Plath Day
28: Plush animal lovers day and Chocolate day
29: Hermit Day
30: National Candy Corn day
31: Magic day.

I don't think I'll be celebrating any of these odd holidays, but I find it fun to know what they are.

The end of the begining

So, it's not about my trip but I thought I'd fill you guys in on what's been happening. Two days ago, I went to see Eat, Pray,Love, the new Julia Roberts movie. It was a pretty good movie, I liked it. I liked the way it showed the lessons that Julia's character, Liz, learned throughout the movie. Yesterday, we all went to collect bales. I drove the truck and only hit one person. Ok, It was my first time driving by myself (Gas peddle and all) and, in my defense, my dad said to go. how was i supposed to know that my brother was behind the trailer when I hit the gas? Well, he wasn't hurt too badly, he was still walking. :) This morning, I went to the orthodontist. I have to get two teeth pulled next Wednesday, and maybe, braces. I think, if my teeth aren't bothering me, then why fix them, but I didn't major in dental school now did I? I got my hair cut today. It's short again, but not too short. It's sort of to the middle of my ears, and all choppy like. It's really confusing to explain. We're going camping tomorrow. We picked up the camper today. And I finished the book I'm writing last night. It was the last one in the series. So exciting! It's the end of the begining. Can't wait to see what I'll come up with next :)

Too many...

I have way too many blond moments for someone whose blond came from a box.
I was making muffins the other day and was going to mash the banana's to put in the batter. So I put them in a bowl, took a fork and started mashing and mashing but it wasn't turning to goop. The reason for this was: I didn't peel the banana's before I started mashing them.
It's moments like these when I have to look back and laugh at myself.
HeHeHe

It's back!!!

I'm "accidentally" back in blonde! Really blonde! It started out as just streaks, but it ended up all over. no worries though, it looks great. and it's cut in sort of a Katie Holmes style bob thing, but blonde.




It looks great, even if it wasn't on purpose. The only downside will be the blonde jokes I'll have to endure. and no, I don't want to hear any.

OWH!!!!

I had to go to the dentist today, again! They had to snip a muscle or something in my mouth. I had to get frozen (with a needle!) and 2 stitches. clearly this was not a very smart idea. ok, maybe it was but it hurts. I can't eat hard foods (soup for lunch and pasta for supper) and it hurts whenever I smile. it's really not a good thing when your brother and sister follow you and tell you not to smile so that you really have no choice and end up smiling and then saying "owh!!!!"

WE'RE MOVING TOMORROW!!!!!!

Well We're moving tomorrow! For those of you who don't know, we bought a quarter section out by Sexsmith, ok Webster but it's considered Sexsmith. We already moved our horses out there, we did that yesterday, and we're headed out there, to stay!, tomorrow after school. We already moved some of our stuff, ok a lot of our stuff, and we've been coming back and forth since the begining of May. We live on the top of a hill, you can see it from Webster Road, (in case your looking :) and we can look down all the hills. We're going to live in a trailer, for now. My dad's been really busy adding an addition to the trailer because right now it only has 3 bedrooms. I get the bedroom with the big window overlooking the horse pasture. My room is a robins egg blue. Can't wait until we actually get down there. :)

Ordinary Happenings

We were supposed to be moving yesterday. We had a lot of rain, though, in the last couple of days and that didn't happen. So we're still in our 'old' house. Our homeschool lady came last night. (I know she has a proper name, I just don't know how to spell it.) We figured out what we're doing for next year. Online there's a create a course thing that I'm doing and I'm doing a creative writing course. I get to plan the course and then take it, it sounds like it's going to be a lot of fun. On my friend Cairo's blog, she's doing this cooking thing. I just submitted my recipe for a dish with cheese, and now I'm hungry. Well not really, just that kind of feeling you get when you talk about food and then you want to eat it, like if people talk about Thanksgiving you want turkey, or at least I do. I'm writing book #4 in the series, you know the one that's un named but I talk about sometimes here, Shane's story is part of that. Anyway I started book 4 and I'm on this chapter that Shane narrorates and I'm not going to tell you what it's about because my mom is reading the first one, Shane's story, now and She still has to read the other 2 before she gets to this one and it would totally give it away if I told you guys. So I won't. We went to see Shrek the final chapter last night. It was good, but I love pixar movies. I can't wait until toy story 3 comes out this summer. I'm writing an essay for school about L.M. Montgomery. She's actually a really interesting person. Once I finish the essay all I have left is finals (and science) and then I'm done school for the year!

It's time...

I keep putting off this entry because I have nothing to say, and I thought I might bore you all to death and now I decided that I've put this off long enough and it's time to bore you all to death. :) I haven't really been doing anything interesting. I'm studying for Math final, almost done (yeah!) and only have one unit left in my L.A (a report thing on a canadian hero) and well... I'll be doing my science until August. Ok, maybe July! It's not that I'm totally against science, I mean it's not my favorite, but it can be really useful. But I don't want a career as a scientist or anything and it's not really that interesting, to me anyway. I got my hair cut short for the summer. and... oh, I'm almost done writing another book, very exciting! It turned out totally different then I expected but it's still really good, I think. Well, I told you I would bore you all to death and I did :)

AND IT"S CLOSED!

And the author spotlight is CLOSED. I'll be sending all the questions to Nancy today and I'll post her answers as soon as I get them.

Back by popular demand...

Drumroll please..... And the most popular choice, popular being 2 (!), is (wait for it, wait for it... ok I'll be nice and tell you) THE CONTINUATION OF THE SHANE'S STORY!, which I posted the first part of when I first started my blog! So I'll do that tomorrow. Hope ya'll can wait until then.