Thankful, Excited, Inspired

Write 3 things you're thankful for/excited for/inspired by

I'm thankful for writing, for the ability to write my heart out. It gives me clarity, and perspective, hope. Just being creative, I guess, always brings me back to that place where i can just be still.

I'm thankful for community. I've tried thinking of something else to go here, but nothing else seems to want to fit. The community I've been thrust into, in this time period after being diagnosed, is a lot different then the one I would have picked for myself. There's a lot of people in this little community that have surprised me, and a lot of people who aren't there that I thought would be. But it turns out this little community is exactly what I need. I always used to think, "Oh, I'm losing everything!" And I guess in a way I have lost a whole lot, but I think, now, I'm not losing, I'm just slowly rebuilding.

I'm excited for the journey ahead. Even though it's been hard, I think I'm also thankful for the journey of being undiagnosed. It was worth it. When I think of the journey ahead, of life after the diagnosis, I know it will be hard, but I'm excited for it.

What's in the bag? Day 4

What's in your bag?

A view inside my bag is not something people usually see. Inside are little cornstarch splatters, something that makes me smile every time I see them. It's kind of a disorganized mess...

So, here's what's inside of my bag

* Dental Floss
* Wallet
* Gum
* Mittens
*My phone
* A water bottle (I don't know if I really go anywhere without it these days. I never used to take my water bottle anywhere, but now I always find I put it in my bag. Also, people with Dysautonomia get dehydrated easier. I don't actually know if this is really true for me, but just in case, I want to make sure I have water on hand.)
* Medical letters
* Salted Peanuts (With Dysautonomia, you're supposed to increase you salt intake. I've been noticing I'm craving more salty things anyway, but I've been using it as an excuse to add salt to my seasonings list, just in case)
* Extra G-Tube and things in case I need to change my tube when I'm out (No idea why that's still in there.)
* Emergency kit with snacks (Crackers, granola bars...)
* Cornstarch
* Glucometer
* Glucose Tabs
* Tiny stuffed Elephant
* Little pooh bear on a chain
* $4.25
* Kleenex
* empty Chemstrips container
* Batteries
*Bandaid

And a whole bunch of garbage I just dug out from the bottom of my purse (Which I just cleaned out and put in the garbage)

I don't know about this, but I'd like to...

 I don't know about this, but I'd like to...
*Go Skydiving
*Become an actual author
* Graduate
* Raise Awareness for Invisible Illnesses

Quotes and an Awareness Video

Day 2: Find a Quote and Use it as Inspiration

I've been excited for this post, and also anxious. I love quotes, but really, how do I pick just one?
There are a lot of different quotes that mean a lot of different things to me. There are a lot of quotes, too, I'm finding i don't know how to explain what they mean to me. So instead of just writing a post about one quote, I thought I'd share a few of my favorites - the ones that mean a lot to me right now.

Be Brave Enough to Break Your Own Heart

The Secret Places of My Heart are often visited by Strangers

I am a wild thing. My Nest is gone. My Sanctuary is ripped out of order.

We grow attatched to our scars. I was attached to them. Maybe I still am.

She never belonged to me, but I always belonged to her.
(This is one of those ones that doesn't make a lot of sense. When I think of it, I think of it in reference to being undiagnosed. It never belonged to me, it was never mine. And yet, I always belonged to it. make sense? Or is it just in my head that that makes sense?)

It was a strange tingling that made her think of Phantom Limb Syndrome, but this tingling was rooted much deeper. She felt like parts of her soul were missing, had left her body long ago. It happened not 3 months ago in Greece, but long before that. It was in Greece she realized these parts had left her and were not coming back.
(I know I shared this one before, but I think it really does capture a lot of how I feel. I have been asked, "Oh, well you knew it was coming, so it can't be that bad, right?" And I want to tell them the same thing, nothing left me on September 10. I knew the diagnosis was coming. It was just on September 10 I realized what was missing, and that it was never coming back)


I also saw this video, today, and wanted to share.

Maybe it will help you understand just a little bit more about what life with Dysautonomia is like...

So it begins...

In one crazy moment, I decided to sign up for National Health Blog Post Month.
Basically it's where I blog about my health every day for the month of November. I'm still trying to decide if that's crazy or not...
Given that I am lucky to brush my hair for 30 consecutive days, I'm a little worried about how this will go. I'm also going to try to do Nano again this year (Just for fun! because writing 50,000 words in one month is always just for fun!) so we'll see where this month takes me.

Day 1: Why I write about my health...
I'm finding this to already be a hard question. Why do I blog about my health? Why does it come up in my writing, here, in my novels, everywhere? And then I realize it's because being sick is such a huge part of who I am.
It's not an easy concept trying to write down why I write about my health. Why I write about it today might be different then why I write about it tomorrow, or why I started writing about it when I started this blog. I just write about my experiences, which are largely influenced by my medical conditions.
When I started blogging all those years ago, I was just going to write about my life. I think, for me, it's always been just writing about my life.
I've learned that being sick, being a patient, it can be very dis empowering. It can rob you of your voice, of feeling what you're feeling, even. It's single handedly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's scary at times, usually pretty emotional. It's so easy just to lose yourself, to become a patient, to become your illness.
Every time I write (whether that be here, or in a novel, or in my journal) I'm taking back a piece of myself. Just for that minute, while I write, everything is ok. I am whole again, everything is ok, nothing else matters.
I have discovered that, through blogging, my voice about my situation can become a voice for others. It can inspire them, give words to their feelings, reach out and touch people and let them know they're not alone. I think that's the biggest reward that comes out of blogging.
This blog has helped me raise awareness for illnesses like GSD and Dysautonomia. It's helped me find my voice. Writing a blog, and reading other people's blogs, inspire me daily, not just in writing, but in living a life with chronic illness. I guess you could say they give me hope.

So there you go, that's a few of the reasons why I blog.