Wednesday, December 5, 2012


I've stared at this blank page for almost half an hour.
Today was rough. It was a sick day.
Just from walking up a flight of stairs my heart rate jumped to 160. I was nauseous all day, and in a lot of pain. I couldn't eat and exhaustion settled in.
I stayed home from school and slept all afternoon.
Today I was surrounded by my weakness.

It's been a tough journey these past few months. I have been surrounded by my weakness, my failings and the places where I was not enough.
It's a tough place to be in. I've been here for a while - since getting diagnosed in September - and while some days it is easier to see the blessings then others there are days like today when I am tired of fighting this battle against invisible illness. I want to get better. I want to feel better. I want to be able to worry about school and grades and enjoy basketball games with friends.

It's hard some days, and I don't have it all together. Days like today come when I am weary and worn.
But these days too were planned out before I took my first breath.

Because.....pain.....for a God's stamp of love on your heart.
Pain is God saying...."Child. I am crazy about you."

Can you hear that? Through the pain and the tears and the exhaustion I can still hear the victory ringing inside of me: That I am claimed, that I am loved, that I am His.

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