Tuesday, May 13, 2014

What I know for sure (You are loved)

There are days when I wish I could write a thank you letter to the world, sign it your not so secret admirer.
But if I sat down to write a thank you letter to every single person and thing that has made me happy over these last few days, I would run out of room.
It would sound a lot like this:
I'm thankful to my little group in English class, who makes waking up early and coming to school every morning that much better.
I'm thankful for the Melodic Caring Project, for making me feel like a rock star. They are a beautiful organization that I am so proud to be a part of (You guys should check them out. I just wrote my first piece for their blog, and I'll post the link once that's up)
I'm thankful for sunny days and good hair days and days when I get to go shopping with my mama
I'm thankful for poetry and Starbucks and dirty feet from walking barefoot
She asked me why I don't seem to get stressed, and something about the way she said it stuck with me all day. She said I always look so calm.
I told her I do get stressed, but just about different things.
If I'm being totally honest, the idea of someone seeing me as calm is a beautiful one, because it's taken me so long to get to that place where I do have these moments of serenity
It's taken so many sleepless nights, lots of yoga, lots of being still, lots of being loud, amazing friends, poetry and having lived through those dark days
And I'm not naïve enough to think that there won't be more
There will be
There will be days when it feels like my entire world is collapsing in and I cannot breathe due to the weight of it all
But I've also experienced silver linings, happiness in the little things.
Maybe if I was writing this right now from a place of depression it would sound a little different. But just having come out of one of those places, one of those periods of being so fully aware of your own brokenness it gets hard to breathe, I know that while the brokenness exists, painfully so, and it is overwhelming at times, you have to believe things can get better than they are now.
This is a letter to everyone who has ever felt broken. This is a letter to myself, because I need to hear it.
She said she's not so sure she believes in love anymore, and I've been there too
Just a few months ago I probably would have said something similar.
But right now I know love is the only thing I know for sure.
I so often forget, but there are days when I am overwhelmed by it.
Love is what I know for sure.
It is something I have to keep reminding myself of, something I don't always feel like I deserve. It's like the wind: I can't see it but I know it's there.
If I had one thing to say to my friend, it would be this: You are loved, more than you can imagine.

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