things I don't do (& the things I want my life to be about)

I want more adventure: the kind that both thrills and terrifies me, the kind that takes my breath away. I want the kind of adventure where I spend the whole time white knuckling it but look back and can only whisper "If that wasn't beautiful, I don't know what is"
I want more love: the kind that makes me forget how to breathe. I want more hand holding and being held close, more family dinners and times spent laughing with friends
I want more joy: more things that make me throw my head back in laughter, more surprises and moments bursting with happiness where all I can do is stand back and wonder how I was blessed with all this, more late summer nights and watching the sunrise and stars and poetry
I want grace: more and more grace, the kind that never runs out. I want to always be aware of that which I do not deserve but am so grateful for.
I want strength and bravery, courage and humility, equal amounts of softness and loudness
I want more people, more road trips where we drive too fast and take turns picking music, more nights staring up at the stars, more flowers in vases, more walks through the woods, more sunshine and coffee and poetry
...
I was thinking recently about what I want my life to be about. School is in it's final days, and I'm left to contemplate on all I've received here.
I was sitting in the sunshine earlier this afternoon, thinking about how I've been changed here. There are the obvious: the things I've learned about God, and grace, and trust, and love. The new relationships, the head knowledge, the heart knowledge. I learned how to forgive and let go and say yes and embrace. I learned how to be softer, gentler, louder, stronger.
At the beginning of the year I said I wanted this year to be about love. I wanted to know for certain what I believed and I wanted to love better.
Both of these things have happened, as I've learned what kind of God I believe in (a magnificent God) and I've been given ample opportunities to love until there is so much inside me it threatens to break my heart wide open.
And now, as I go into the summer, I'm thinking about what I want. And not just for this summer but for my life.
I want adventures and love and grace and strength. I want to not lose my fire, but to also allow myself to be soft sometimes. I want wildness and to forever be becoming something.
I heard it said once that a definition excludes all potential for change so I decided I don't want to be defined by anything. I want to always be changing, growing, becoming more of who I am.
...
I read an article by Shauna Niequist in which she was saying everything she was not. She's not a gardener, or do major home renovations. She doesn't make the bed in the morning or change clothes because simply because she's leaving the house, blow-dry her hair on a regular basis or bake. This is a list of things she was willing to not be in order to be and do what she really wanted.
I think of the things I'm willing to not be in order to be who I really want to be
I want to be full of love, so at some point during this year I realized that pain and love aren't the same thing, and therefore I had the choice not to surround myself with people who just stole my energy and light. I realized that not everyone is going to like me, but I've found the ones that do and am so grateful to them for that.
I want to go on crazy adventures, so I say no to the things I don't want to do and yes to the things I do, even if the things I say yes to scare me. I'm surrounding myself with people and things that make me brave, and push me.
I want joy so I'm counting my blessings and not my complaints
I'm not superwoman. I'm not the honor roll student, or the social butterfly. I've cut back on wearing makeup simply because I like sleep in the mornings, I don't routinely spend time with people who steal my energy so I have more time to spend with people who fill me up, I don't spend hours working on homework because I think the education I get from living is more important than the one I get from books.
I'm willing to not be things in order to be who I really want to be, and do the things that are important to me, and to spend time with the people I truly care about.
For a moment there was absolute panic over not being everything to everybody. Sometimes there still is.
But I think there's also something freeing about it. There is work here that is only mine to do, which includes loving my family and friends, building into these relationships and telling the stories that are mine to tell.
I guess what I want from life is to live my story well. I want this story - which is constantly being written and rewritten by God's very hand - to reflect how I used what I had to love well, to live fully, to laugh often and to enjoy this beautiful life I was given.

It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.

Just a Little Something to (Hopefully) Brighten Your Day...

As you probably know, Wednesdays are busy days for me. I have coffee break in the morning, and then school. Well today, we decided to go volunteer at the local SPCA. Now I love the SPCA. I love going and walking the dogs and playing with the cute little kitties, and today was no exception. The only problem with this venture is I become WAY to attatched and suddenly want to take home every stinkin animal in that shelter (Or somethin' like that.)
Anyway, like I said, we went to the SPCA today. We had already walked one dog, a highly energetic level 2er (They are given levels so volunteers know which ones are the easy walkers (1) and the really really hard ones (5). So after walking this bundle of energy, we decided to walk another dog. We found this one level 1er who looked adorable. So my mom took Jaxon to the bathroom, leaving me to rangle up this dog. Usually, it's not that hard. You step in the cage, clip on the leash and go.
Well, first step, I got into the cage. I was so worried about letting the dog out behind me that I closed the door, not even thinking. This dog was jumping all over me from the time I got into the cage. So I wrestled him so I could clip the leash onto his collar, and then discovered that "Houston, we have a problem." In my efforts to avoid letting the dog out, I had locked myself in the cage. Now I know these things are dog proof, but I figured if I could get my fingers through one of the tiny holes, I could let myself out. Why oh why did I have to be given such big fingers? I could reach through the holes, and touch the lock, but I couldn't get my finger around to grasp it enough to pull up. (Note, all through-out this adventure, I have a dog, jumping on my back.) The other dogs in the cages in the same room were barking at me like mad. I decided I would just wait for my mom to come back and let me out. Then I thought what if someone sees me, a human child, locked in a dog cage? They're going to think I'm stupid. I probably was at this point, but I tried again. This time I found a hole slightly bigger then the rest, shoved my finger through and opened the lock. Hurray, one problem solved. The dog was still a jumpy little rascal. We left the room and started out to the main hall. There's SO many doors in that place, and I wasn't sure which door led to the main door. So, we wandered the halls. up and down, and up this one again, and through that one. We were still searching for the enterance, when I realized we had another problem. I was basically tugging this dog along behind me, and some how, some way, he slipped OUT OF HIS COLLAR! Not the leash, but the collar. So now I was chasing a rambunctious collarless dog around the SPCA. I tried calling him, no luck. I tried tricking him, still no luck. Finally, I cornered him, wrapped my legs around his body to hold him still, and re-attatched the collar. It fit snug, and I was left to wonder how he could slide out of his collar. By this point, I was thinking that this dog was definatly not a level 1er. He kept jumping, and we went in search of the door. We found my mom and Jaxon coming in. I was shaking and freaking out. We decided this dog was definatly not a level 1er and took it back to his cage.

And the forecast for the next week is... BUSY

Well I'm back! The pictures are still in my camera but I'll post them as soon as I get them downloaded. This week (or last couple of days) has been busy with more then just Miette stuff. Let me give you the offiicial countdown of how many days until...
1 day left to study for my exams
1 day until we get our kitties!
1 day (hopefully) until I get to go see my horsey (I'll post the story below)
2 days left until my first exam, Math
3 days until my last exam, L.A
3 days until my dentist appointment, (I dislike the dentist, even if my mom does work there)
4 days until school, besides science which I don't count because I can do that out in the sun, is DONE!!!!!!
6 days until the Reba concert, which I'm going to with my Auntie
7 days, 3 hours and 21 minuets (from the time of writing) until Take 4 is going to be released!
7 days until I'm going to Red Willow day camp with my family for a day of family fun!


Ok, now I'll post the story. Our horses aren't here right now because we have too much clover in our new pasture and they got alsikes poisoning which means they ate too much clover and it does something to their liver and if we don't get them out now they could die. SO we moved them out, or my dad did, on Friday. Thank God that a wonderful Judy was inside, (Judy taught me riding lessons for a while back and she's friends with my cousin Carly) and answered her phone ( a real surprise if you know Judy) and she had extra pasture and was willing to take on the job of caring for our five little ponies. We might be heading out to visit them tomorrow.

I might be really busy with exams in these next few days so I won't post. I'll catch up as soon as my 'busy week' is over.