Introducing Charlie

Run with the Wild Horses

 

I watched this video and almost cried. I remember a time, last year, before I got diagnosed, when I would want to go riding but the thought of getting out and saddling up was enough to make me want to go crawl back into bed. If I did get out there, by the time I was saddled up all I wanted was to go back to bed, and if I did make it to going for a short ride, I came inside exhausted and in pain.
It was that winter Freedom (My horse) got sick, and I was sick, and I wondered how either of us was going to make it through that winter. I remember whispering to him one day as I hand fed him to try to help him gain weight that we were going to make it through this winter, both of us, that we were going to be fine, that we were going to make it.
By some miracle he made it through that winter, and so did I.
In early October, I went out to see him at the lease where he was being kept. After searching for a few minutes, I finally saw him, running through the pasture. The other horses being kept there began to follow him, and they all began to run, and Freedom - the horse who nobody knew if he was going to make it through the winter - was leading the herd.
I made it through that winter too. I made it through the spring when I felt like I was losing everything, the summer of knowing but not knowing, and getting diagnosed. I'm here now, I'm making it.
I made it through the winter, and spring is coming. I can feel it, feel the transition that is taking place. I'm getting ready to run.

I rescued him... and he rescues me

This afternoon, after church, we went out to visit our horses at the lease. On the ride back, I was already forming this blog post in my head...

The grass was swaying gently in the breeze. In some areas it was long, brushing my calves, and in other places it was dancing around my ankles.
Through the path we walked. On the other side lay a large pasture, and at the opposite end of the pasture lay horses, and there, in the back, that one over there, there was my baby.
The horses casually walked up towards us. My mom's horse immediately went over and snuggled her. The other horses pushed each other out of the way to get to the front, fighting for attention, to be noticed. And then, there at the back, was my baby.
He was mad at me. Apparently he was trying to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go away for so long and not see him.
Eventually he decided I had learned my lesson and came towards me. He gave me kisses, letting me wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear how much I missed my baby and how handsome he looked.
As we walked back through the woods to our vehicle after loving on the horses for a while, I began to think.
Aren't I like that? Don't I, when I feel threatened or like I've been abandoned,try to distance myself to avoid getting hurt again?
Unfortunately I could take a lesson from my horse here because I all too often decide to stay in that place where I am distant and my walls are up around me, my sword and shield ready for battle, as if to say, "You can't hurt me now!"
Yeah, I could take a lesson from that big four legged boy of mine.
Let your guard down once in a while, it's ok to trust people and give them a chance. Sometimes, if you end up letting someone in, they may just surprise you. People make mistakes, be willing to give them a second shot. Don't hold on to your anger and pain and let it stop you from seeing all the blessings you could have received if you had just opened up and not let your anger be dominant.

I do that with God, all too often. Where were you when I was calling? Why did you abandon me? and the wall goes up.
I do that with my friends, if I feel like they are going to abandon me for any reason, even if that threat isn't real. All of a sudden the wall comes up, and I'm not open and real, instead I'm distant, and maybe even a little angry.
I do that with my family.

Maybe I need to work on that... Who knew I would learn so many lessons from my horse? I rescued him, but in the end it was him who rescued me.

Lessons from Karma

Today was one of those days when I kinda felt like a loser. It felt like the world kinda decided I needed things to be shaken up a bit and chose to dump some stuff on  me.                                                              There was a moment when all I wanted to do was cry, because seriously, I had no room for any more junk. I was done. I went upstairs, and looked out the window, and there were these adorable puppy eyes looking back at me, begging me to forget the world for a little bit and come out and throw a ball around. So I did, and here's what I learned...

1. It's ok to take time to be ridiculous. Sometimes it makes things better. As I watched Karma go into this crazy-run-around-the-yard and then she just plops down. She just took those two minutes to be ridiculous. And not only did she get whatever was bugging her out of her system, it made me laugh just to watch her be ridiculous! Sometimes being ridiculous is all it takes
2. As Karma lay at my feet, she offered up to me her belly, waiting for me to scratch her. She was laying on the ground, all fours up in the air, and she was trusting me to only touch her in love and not to hurt her. She was trusting me, and that kind of felt great. She was offering up to me herself, and she trusted me.
3. Really, my dog doesn't care if I look like a mess! She doesn't care if I feel like a loser that day. She doesn't make any rude comments about my new haircut (She actually doesn't comment at all!), She doesn't say "Seriously, what were you thinking? That was the stupidest move you could have made, you know better!" She was just happy I was there, loving on her and being with her.

She kind of reminded me of God. He doesn't care if I acted like a total brat today, or made the biggest mistake, or if I did something so loser-ish - and that I did know better. He calls me on my stuff, yes, but He doesn't shake His finger at me or call me names of make me feel like a loser so I'll straighten up. He just says to me, "Oh darlin', that wasn't the best decision you've ever made, but I love you more then life itself. I'll help you through this, just stick with me, my love."

He doesn't care if I'm a total mess up, if I'm disheveled and dirty. He's still offering out his arms, ready to pull me into his arms and rest my head against His heart.

All day there was one line of a song stuck in my head: "If I'm your beloved, help me believe it."

And He did, teaching me about love, through a dog named Karma

In which I incoherently discuss...

Listening to: The Living Proof by Mary J Blige
Quote obsession: Love doesn't break when I drop it.
Love keeps reaching,and threading,and bending,and anchoring,and connecting me to the people I love.

My mind is full, and racing. I've tried for days to get all my thoughts down in some coherent way. So excuse me if this post is a little all over the place kind of random.

*I watched this documentary online today. I've never really been that into documentaries (Ok, confession this is the first one I've ever sat through because I find them so boring.) I found this one on the GSDLife website. It's almost an hour long, but if you have time maybe check it out, it's really interesting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYG0ZuTv5rs&feature=related

* On Thursday(ish) I was out trimming hooves with my cousin. Due to our crazy Alberta weather it was crazy windy, like shake the house and rock your bed when you're trying to sleep windy. So my cousin and I were up there, and I was holding the mammoth horse while she was trimming his mammoth sized feet. The wind was causing the tarp covering the bales to flap wildly in the wind, which was scaring mammoth horse (also named Buddy.) He kept dancing around, trying to get away from the awful scariness which was the flapping tarp. He was big, and with every move he made we had to try and find a way to move with him without getting stepped on. Also, his constant moving made it really hard to trim his hooves. Finally on the third foot we got him to stand still. His eyes still darted around nervously but he was standing still. I came up next to him and kept whispering to him. "It's ok, there's nothing to be scared of, I'm right here, you're not alone." It was after we got back inside that I realized that the way I was with Buddy is probably the way God is with me. I'm here, and it's scary. I keep moving and dancing around, trying to avoid being in this position of being dependent, of having no control. And there's God, holding me, His being right up next to mine, whispering in my ear, "It's ok, I'm right here, there's nothing to be scared of, you're not alone."

*There is little, I realized, that can't be solved with a home spa. There is little that can't be tackled with purple toe nail polish and some girl talk. There is little that can't be reasoned with as I sit there with my mentor. She's mine, my mentor, and I feel the smallest bit of pride when I say that. She's mine, and for that I am grateful. She's honest and real and she believes in me.

* This is my new song love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRbsTJnK5ZA
I heard it on Private Practice: The Intervention a couple of weeks ago, downloaded it not that long after and have been listening to it almost daily since then. I just love this song. :)

* Here are a couple of blog posts I'm loving too. Maybe you want to check them out, if you are like me and spend hours on the internet on a Saturday. (Just kidding! But if you have some extra time to waste on the internet, like I'm sure lots of people do (at least I hope I'm not the only one) you should check out some of these posts.)

• http://beautyinweakness.blogspot.com/2011/11/just-to-feel-you-cling.html This is another one by the same person who wrote the post I mentioned in my last post. I've never met her, but she's friends with my best friend's mama, and I absolutely love her writing.


• http://natalielloyd.blogspot.com/2011/12/songbirds-and-cowboy-boots.html Another post by the lovely Natalie Lloyd (I posted one by her a while back.) She's another one of my favorite bloggers.

* I could also tell you that I haven't really edited my NaNo novel yet, but I do have a little idea spinning around in my head for a sequel. I suppose I should finish up this novel first, though. My (amazing) friend has agreed to make a cover for my novel! I feel the teeniest bit lost without a novel to pour myself in to.

I suppose I've bored everyone enough for now. I apologize if this made no sense and I just wasted 5 minutes of your day with my incoherent rambling.

Buddy

We got a new horse yesterday. His name is Buddy, and He's a big, black, gentle giant. The other horses are still getting used to having this new guy in with them, and try to pick on him, but they are learning to get along.
I'll post some pics when I get some.

And that makes 3...

We got another kitten today. A brother to the two we already have. His name was Holmes but we changed it to Oreo, as his color is black and white. He is clearly the runt of the "triplets." It was as if these brothers hadn't been seperated for a month or so. They play and wrestle like old friends. Oreo isn't taking a strong liking to our dog like the other two have, trying to swat her in the nose a couple of times. I guess it will just take time. And we got another "new" outside cat today. Our cat that used to be an inside cat, Tinkm got introduced to the outdoors today. His constant whining finally got him somewhere. We brought him back in for night, since the little triplets are in the cage, where the cat house is. Now he's back to staring out the window, without the constant meows. Maybe he knows that tomorrow he will get another chance at the big wide world. Or maybe he's tired out from a day of play. Either way, I'm happy to have Tink in the house and the kittens back in there cage, where I can keep them safe just a little bit longer.

...Not a chance

It's my first day of almost freedom (I still have some science left to do) and it's turning out to be an interesting day. I did my test this morning, it took me not as long as I thought it would. After my exam, me and my mom and Jaxon went shopping, picked up the kids, and got some lunch. So when we got home, My mom had to pack up and leave for Calgary, leaving me in charge of the littles. Well, not even half an hour into my "adventure" I had another adventure. Our kittens got out. I tried to bring them inside but our big cat, Tink, wasn't too thrilled about sharing his space. My solution, bring out the towels, the clothespins and the paperclips. No, I didn't suffocate the cats. I went into their outdoor pen and hung towels over every wall, pinning them in place. Like to see you try and get out of that one, kitties. (For the record, they are still in, curling up in their "house" and sleeping like little angels. Can't fool me, I know the adventerous spirit inside.) I've finished making my little jail, finished almost all of my schooling and finished lunch. Catricia and Jaxon are playing wii and Jacob is over at a friend's. I'll make pizza tonight, which both kids have agreed to help me with. We'll watch a movie and eat popcorn and wait for my dad to come home. Sounds like a relaxing night, right? Sounds like it will be an easy day of babysitting. Want to know what I say to that... NOT A CHANCE!!!

Happenings

Hope you all like the new design. I changed it 3 times before I finally got the one I wanted. Well my tests have been changed for Thursday and Friday which gives me a few more days to study. We got our kittens today! We got a grey one, that me and Jaxon share, named O'Malley and a black one, that's Jacob's, named Vader. They are so cute and tiny. I don't have any pictures yet but I'll post some when I get some. We didn't go visit our horses today. As you can probably imagine, we had a pretty busy day. We might head out tomorrow, though, if we have enough time.

And the forecast for the next week is... BUSY

Well I'm back! The pictures are still in my camera but I'll post them as soon as I get them downloaded. This week (or last couple of days) has been busy with more then just Miette stuff. Let me give you the offiicial countdown of how many days until...
1 day left to study for my exams
1 day until we get our kitties!
1 day (hopefully) until I get to go see my horsey (I'll post the story below)
2 days left until my first exam, Math
3 days until my last exam, L.A
3 days until my dentist appointment, (I dislike the dentist, even if my mom does work there)
4 days until school, besides science which I don't count because I can do that out in the sun, is DONE!!!!!!
6 days until the Reba concert, which I'm going to with my Auntie
7 days, 3 hours and 21 minuets (from the time of writing) until Take 4 is going to be released!
7 days until I'm going to Red Willow day camp with my family for a day of family fun!


Ok, now I'll post the story. Our horses aren't here right now because we have too much clover in our new pasture and they got alsikes poisoning which means they ate too much clover and it does something to their liver and if we don't get them out now they could die. SO we moved them out, or my dad did, on Friday. Thank God that a wonderful Judy was inside, (Judy taught me riding lessons for a while back and she's friends with my cousin Carly) and answered her phone ( a real surprise if you know Judy) and she had extra pasture and was willing to take on the job of caring for our five little ponies. We might be heading out to visit them tomorrow.

I might be really busy with exams in these next few days so I won't post. I'll catch up as soon as my 'busy week' is over.

Good girl :D

I'm being careful not to move too fast. Almost all of my right side is skinned and cut and gross. You probably want to know how i managed to get into such trouble. Well i was walking my dog yesterday, going to put some stuff in the mailbox. Anyway while we were walking there were these three dogs, a big chocolate lab and two of her grown up puppies. They seemed to have a problem with us walking down 'her' street. So she, and the puppies, started chasing us, snapping their teeth and growling. So me and my dog started running in the other direction. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure the dogs weren't right behind me. I'm not a very fast runner, though I was running as fast as i could, my dog can still run faster. She was running so fast I tripped and was drug up the pavement. it wasn't that fun, ok it wasn't fun at all, it hurt. Not a good way to start off the warm weather. Is it wrong to think that without Karma pulling me away I would have been bit? I think I would have been hurt a lot worse if she hadn't pulled me. you can choose to believe me or not but this is my blog, my story, my way of looking at things, this is me, and that, is what I saw :D

Freedom

This is My Horsey Freedom. We had a mini photo shoot today and these are some of the pictures. Hope you guys like them