Over a cup of coffee

Today is turning out to be a better day. I haven't yet thrown up, or had any moments of serious pain (Serious as in makes me double over and gasp for air.) or had any times where my heart was beating so fast and I was so lightheaded and dizzy I thought I was going to pass out. I am still exhausted, though. But today was better then yesterday.
I went to the park today. After many text messages and one voicemail saying that if I didn't call her back and let her know I was alive then she would show up on my door step, I was convinced of needing to go to the park. (Actually, I was convinced by the time the first text message came around, but they just kept coming!)
Anyway, I walked to the park with 3 little (?) girls in tow.
And she brought me coffee. And we sat on the bench at the park while her 2 girls and my 3 raced around.
And we drank the coffee, and we talked, and I felt better. It was like finding that moment of calm in a storm, where you can just sit back and relax and everything that mattered rolls off your shoulders for a few hours. It was like that.
Over a few hours and a cup of coffee, I felt ok again. It's hard to be mad at someone who brings you coffee. (I'm not actually mad at Paula. I will hide under her porch because I love her.)
Just for those few hours, nothing else mattered. I was there, in that moment.
Life happens, and bad things happen, and there's nothing anyone can do about it except roll with it. But once in a while, in your crazy life, something happens that reminds you everything will be ok in the end, to remind you that you aren't alone in this, that things will get better, that you won't always be this sick or this exhausted or whatever.
For me, today, it just happened to be a couple hours at the park with my mentor over cups of coffee.
For those few hours, I felt like everything was going to be ok, that we will find answers to whatever this mystery disease is, that I won't always be this tired or this sick or this upset over not knowing. It will get better.
In these hours, God reminded me of something ~ Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.

7 quick takes on a Wednesday

1.Today was a good day. I went to hang out with Paula (Are you seeing now that usually when I hang out with Paula, it makes a good day?) We moped together and laid in the sun together and talked and went to the park with coffee's. It was a good day.

2. I had a good phone conversation with my Manitoba cousin, Jocelyn, today. I think we talked for like an hour, and I'm kinda glad she didn't just hang up on me as I kept rambling on. But apparently I give better advice then I  thought I did.

3. So... I entered a library writing contest back in February. And, if you didn't know, I actually got second place. I know, I was totally shocked! I definatly didn't think my story was good enough to win, let alone be the second best in my age category! So, I'm getting published again, and I also get a cash prize. Can't believe I did that good, because in all honesty I thought my story wasn't that great. It was written in like 20 minutes before a school elive.

4. I've been listening to more Christian music lately, thanks to an online Christian television station for youth. I'm finding that most times I watch, something is on that I need to hear. Since I can't get the Christian radio station here at home, I find I've been listening less and less to Christian music, and I can definatly notice the difference it's making in my life now that I'm listening again. Kinda in love...

5."For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I don't know why, but I'm kind of loving this verse. Usually I don't like verses (Or anything!) that is super popular or is used a lot, but this verse is one I'm really liking right now.

6. Little Miss Ivory (Paula's daughter) decided to draw me a picture today. It was a portrait of me, and of her. She's only 3, so her people weren't incredibly in depth (But what 3 year old's are?) After drawing for a bit, she looked up and made a comment about me being beautiful. Who knew God could speak truth into my life using a 3 year old? I love that girl.

7. I hope no one got tired of my rambling. I figured I haven't posted in so long, so I should update people on what's been going on in my life. This was kinda like a 7 quick takes on a Wednesday...

Popcorn and Pedicures

Today I went to see my mentor, Paula. We usually try to get together on Friday's, and since I'm still on Christmas break (Don't go back till Monday) I was able to arrive on her doorstep at 10:30. Jaxon came along to play with her daughter and we set up the foot baths, poured the coffee, popped the popcorn and snuggled down into the chairs in the living room. I stayed there for nearly 4 hours. We talked, and painted our nails, and ate. My toes are happily painted in blue with shimmering sparkles, and my feet are soft, but more importently, my soul is refreshed. Despite how lovely it is to go there and take care of myself, when I go there I get something more then happy feet.
I love it there, her little house. I love the old barnwood style floors, and the word create on the wall with the definition. I love the organized chaos. But more then that, I love the people. When I'm there I feel safe. I don't have to think, or care. I don't have to pretend, or hide. I can be me, and I can relax and let my guard down for a while, and just be.


P.S, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice both started again last night! Finally, my Mcdreamy addiction was fufilled!

Christmas Daze

Christmas shopping is complete thanks to a trip into town with my mentor. I get the tiniest little smile on my face when I look into my secret place brimming with gifts waiting to be wrapped and set under the tree. Despite the rushed buisiness a trip into town brought to my day it was exactly what I needed.
My doctors appointment for Tuesday has been rescheduled till the new year, which brings both relief and dread. Relief because I don't have to go yet, and dread because now my mind will be dancing with possibilities because I won't know and I'll have to wait. Every time I walk into a hospital I get nervous, even if I know I'm not there for me. Every time I sleep in a hotel in Edmonton I get that wierd nervous tingly feeling, even if I know I'm not there to go see the doctor. Maybe it's just a natural reaction, but walking through those hospital doors brings on another round of fear, another whispered chorus of what it's.

I found this jewel of an article today, written by my friend's mama, and I think it conveys, sort of, how I feel about my mentor Paula. Wanna read it? Check it out: http://sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/2011/12/no-room.html

In which I incoherently discuss...

Listening to: The Living Proof by Mary J Blige
Quote obsession: Love doesn't break when I drop it.
Love keeps reaching,and threading,and bending,and anchoring,and connecting me to the people I love.

My mind is full, and racing. I've tried for days to get all my thoughts down in some coherent way. So excuse me if this post is a little all over the place kind of random.

*I watched this documentary online today. I've never really been that into documentaries (Ok, confession this is the first one I've ever sat through because I find them so boring.) I found this one on the GSDLife website. It's almost an hour long, but if you have time maybe check it out, it's really interesting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYG0ZuTv5rs&feature=related

* On Thursday(ish) I was out trimming hooves with my cousin. Due to our crazy Alberta weather it was crazy windy, like shake the house and rock your bed when you're trying to sleep windy. So my cousin and I were up there, and I was holding the mammoth horse while she was trimming his mammoth sized feet. The wind was causing the tarp covering the bales to flap wildly in the wind, which was scaring mammoth horse (also named Buddy.) He kept dancing around, trying to get away from the awful scariness which was the flapping tarp. He was big, and with every move he made we had to try and find a way to move with him without getting stepped on. Also, his constant moving made it really hard to trim his hooves. Finally on the third foot we got him to stand still. His eyes still darted around nervously but he was standing still. I came up next to him and kept whispering to him. "It's ok, there's nothing to be scared of, I'm right here, you're not alone." It was after we got back inside that I realized that the way I was with Buddy is probably the way God is with me. I'm here, and it's scary. I keep moving and dancing around, trying to avoid being in this position of being dependent, of having no control. And there's God, holding me, His being right up next to mine, whispering in my ear, "It's ok, I'm right here, there's nothing to be scared of, you're not alone."

*There is little, I realized, that can't be solved with a home spa. There is little that can't be tackled with purple toe nail polish and some girl talk. There is little that can't be reasoned with as I sit there with my mentor. She's mine, my mentor, and I feel the smallest bit of pride when I say that. She's mine, and for that I am grateful. She's honest and real and she believes in me.

* This is my new song love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRbsTJnK5ZA
I heard it on Private Practice: The Intervention a couple of weeks ago, downloaded it not that long after and have been listening to it almost daily since then. I just love this song. :)

* Here are a couple of blog posts I'm loving too. Maybe you want to check them out, if you are like me and spend hours on the internet on a Saturday. (Just kidding! But if you have some extra time to waste on the internet, like I'm sure lots of people do (at least I hope I'm not the only one) you should check out some of these posts.)

• http://beautyinweakness.blogspot.com/2011/11/just-to-feel-you-cling.html This is another one by the same person who wrote the post I mentioned in my last post. I've never met her, but she's friends with my best friend's mama, and I absolutely love her writing.


• http://natalielloyd.blogspot.com/2011/12/songbirds-and-cowboy-boots.html Another post by the lovely Natalie Lloyd (I posted one by her a while back.) She's another one of my favorite bloggers.

* I could also tell you that I haven't really edited my NaNo novel yet, but I do have a little idea spinning around in my head for a sequel. I suppose I should finish up this novel first, though. My (amazing) friend has agreed to make a cover for my novel! I feel the teeniest bit lost without a novel to pour myself in to.

I suppose I've bored everyone enough for now. I apologize if this made no sense and I just wasted 5 minutes of your day with my incoherent rambling.