Thursday, March 29, 2012

Part of Their World

Yesterday I got to be normal. I got to spend a small amount of time in the normal world. I still analyzed how I was feeling and paid attention to my purple feet and planned my snacks (Not eating a cookie because I already had a cupcake...) That is embedded in me, it's something I can do now without thinking. It was after ministry team, and a couple of us were hanging out. I remember being there, and being able to focus and actually listen to the words my friends were saying. I'm smiling as I remember their faces and our laughter and the amazing feeling of being exactly in that moment. For that time, that was all there was. It was a good day. I'm sometimes afraid to go to sleep on good days, afraid that when I wake up it will be gone. In that moment, I belonged with them. I was one of them. I wasn't the sick girl, but I was just Alisha, their friend. I was in their world, and I wasn't even worried about it ending. I was just there, all there, all of me breathing in that one moment of normalcy. The pieces of this normal world I've been given are far too sweet and wonderful to give up on. Today was another day living life in my 'new normal', this world of mine filled with sickness and fatigue and nausea and pain. But yesterday, I got to be normal. I got to laugh and smile and be exactly in that moment. So I won't give up, I won't stop fighting. Because I've been given pieces of that world and they are far too sweet for me to give up on.

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