We were in Vegas. I think it was the last day of the convention. I was skipping back to my room, high on being around my people, and I remember having this thought: "I feel sorry for people who aren't sick."
I remember, in that one moment, for a wild moment in time, I thought of myself as incredibly blessed. That whole weekend was a time when I thought of myself as the luckiest girl in the world.
I remember thinking that I was sorry for everybody out there who's 'normal.'
I was sorry for them, that maybe they didn't have so many people behind them, pushing them towards excellence, telling them they could dare to dream big, and that anything was possible.
I was sorry for them in that they didn't get all the big 'sick kid perks' that us sick kids get. You know, things like VIP tickets to concerts and meet and greets with celebs and being on TV and in newspapers.
And I felt sorry for them because I hear of so many people just letting life pass them by, and waiting. So I was sorry for them because they don't know what it's like to live every day like you're dying. Maybe they don't realize that life is a gift, and even though you might be having a bad day every day that you are living and breathing is a good day.
Sure, being sick hasn't been a walk in the park for me. It's this huge pain in the butt, and I've been stabbed and cut in to and had more then my fair share of bad medical reports, and I've fought like crazy to stay alive. But for that one weekend, I thought of myself as blessed. I thought of being sick as one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.
And for a minute - during my days of thinking of myself as lucky - I had one small thought, one small twinge of guilt... and I felt guilty because I get to experience all this, and there's 'normal' people out there, who just let life pass them by, and who take life for granted.
Me, I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a team of amazing people behind me, people who have fought this awful disease, or who have watched a loved one fight it, and who want to find a cure. I have gotten to do some of the coolest things that no normal kid gets to do. I have people behind me every step of the way as I pursue my dreams, pushing me on, telling me that I can't let something like being sick stop me from doing anything I want to do.
The night after the confrence ended, with voices ringing in my ears that I could do anything, I rode a mechanical bull and crossed an item off my bucket list.
I don't know, I just feel lucky. I feel so grateful for my illness that, yeah, sometimes I hate. And I wish everyone got to experience everything I felt that weekend.
It's not me I feel sorry for, or kids like me who fight day in and day out with some kind of illness. Maybe, just maybe, we might be the lucky ones.