Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Convictions, with Meredith and Lexie Grey
I hate convictions. Am I the only one? I hate being convicted and knowing what I did wrong, or what I didn't do when I should have, and get that turning feeling inside my stomach. Is that just me? Anyway, I hate being convicted. Most of the time, I'll put whatever it was off until later, telling myself I'll deal with it later, face it later, whatever. I had one of those convictions last night, or this morning depending on how you look at it. I think it was probably around midnight. I was journaling and thinking and thinking and journaling and listening to a CD. Then it hit me. It came to me through a TV show I had been watching that night (Wierd, but it seems to happen a lot now, with that SAME show.) It was one of those moments when all I could do was lay there and go "Crap!" That's really all I could think of to say. It was like, what did I do now? But, like all those things I have convictions with, I told myself I'd deal with it later. I found so many reasons why it was ok for me. All the reasons I came up with had truth. They all were actually right. And right then I was tired and I did want to go to sleep. So, like I always do, I put myself and the other people in this situation into the characters of the show. So I was Meredith, like I always am, because I see so much of me in her, or her in me, or whatever. And then there was Lexie. Watching Lexie on the show showed me so much about the person I had labeled Lexie as in my life. Watching Meredith and Lexie showed me not only lots about me, from what Meredith did and said, but about the other person, from what Lexie did and said. Conviction. Like I said, I hate them.