Pretending...

I'm heading in for more medical tests tomorrow. I guess I'm tired, of picking myself up and brushing myself off after every attempt that didn't show anything, of fighting, even of the inconvenience of it all and the brutal reminder that this is my life and I am not given the luxury of spending tomorrow in school like most kids my age, but instead I'll be spending it at the medical testing diagnostic clinic where you have to have this for one test, but not for the next one, and you can't wear metal for this test and you can't eat or drink before this test, but you have to drink before this one.
Like the lyrics from one of my favorite songs say (You can actually listen to the song here)
I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls And in the hall, there are people looking through The window in the door They know exactly what we're here for Don't look up, just let them think There's no place else you'd rather be and now you can't turn back because this road is all you'll ever have
That's really what it's like, sort of, just don't look up, don't let people think you would rather be anywhere else. This is it, this is what you have. Of course, living this way has made me a brilliant actress (at least I like to think so.) But it is honestly so much pretending, pretending to be ok, pretending that really the hospital or the medical clinic are the best places to spend a Monday when you're in high school.
But I have no choice, so tomorrow I'll go, and I'll pretend to be strong and brave.


Remember a while ago I mentioned my best friend's cousin Sadie? (If not, you can read the post here) Anyway, her mama has a blog that I started reading just after I found out about Sadie. I thought maybe you'd like to check out a couple of her posts that I'm lovin' right now.

http://jstarshollow.blogspot.com/2009/10/nothing-good-happens-after-midnight.html
http://jstarshollow.blogspot.com/2011/09/lies-on-monday.html