The Mermaid...

We've been without internet now for 5 days. It feels like so much life has happened, but then again like nothing has changed. Life is been... wierd lately. I really don't know how else to describe it. It's almost like being at the center of a hurricane, and you can see the storm, and you know it's there, and you know that what's coming next could make or break you, but you're not scared. It's like being at the center of this storm and even though the world is shifting under my feet and everything I know is changing, I'm ok. Maybe it's like being underwater, where you can see the surface and feel the tide pulling you under, but you're in that place between waking and sleeping where everything is foggy and a little confusing, but still.

I know maybe I should start to panic, to start thrashing and frantically trying to pull my heavy body up to break the surface. Maybe I should start fighting again. But I'm tired of fighting and all I want to do is stay here in this blissful underwater fog, where it's still and even though the storm is whirling around me, I'm ok. Maybe after fighting for so long and trying to resist giving in, you just get tired, and sink into acceptance.

I feel like a mermaid, sinking and swimming at the same time.