Thursday, May 24, 2012

Filling the hole ~ Part 2

I'm not sure how to write this post either. But I want to.
I'm filling the hole with music - this hole inside of me caused by word-less-ness- and I'm filling the hole with dancing.
I don't understand a lot of things right now. All these hopeful and heartbreaking things stirring around inside of my heart like tiny birds waking from their sleep and breaking their egg and seeing a whole new world. It's like that, and it's different, and it's confusing, and in this time of pain and discovery God is teaching me.
You remember in the Bible, when David danced before The Lord and his wife got embarrassed and David said, "I'll become even more undignified than this?" I think that's a similar kind of dancing; that raw, unhinged, primal desire just to move. To physically respond to the moment 1
It's like that. In this place where I am, when everything is new and different and confusing and I don't understand and I can't find the words to write and I'm exhausted and hopeful and full of all these conflicting emotions, it is in that place that God is doing something new and wonderful. I like the verse in Hosea 2: 14, where it says "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her."
It's like that. In this wilderness I'm in, He had lead me here. He has lead me to this place where I am stripped of everything, of my health, of my ability to turn words into beautiful things, of my strength, of everything I thought was stable, of people in my life. He has brought me to this wilderness where I have nothing but Him, and it is here that He speaks tenderly to me.
And that kind of beauty, in God getting down on my level and speaking tenderly to me and giving me glimpses of hope and of Himself, that requires a response.

1. Taken from Natalie Lloyd

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