Give me Jesus

"Will you follow me when I'm all you've got?"
Every Wednesday night, after Ministry Team and a busy day, I love to watch Campus Church. It's a campus church from Liberty University, and it's on Wednesday nights on JCTV. Tonight's message was on the verses from Mark 8, verses 34 and 35.  I think the point of this story Jesus told isn't all about dying. Sure, it's great to be able to die for Jesus, but I'm pretty sure not everyone in this world who loves Jesus is going to go die smuggling Bibles into North Korea or spreading the gospel in India. I think it's more about surrender. Every day, giving up yourself to follow Jesus. Giving up your hopes and dreams and desires, yes, but I think it also means giving up whatever is keeping you from serving God completely and totally. It's making Jesus everything.
"Will you follow me when I'm all you've got?"
Even when I'm in pain, and can barely get out of bed in the mornings?
Even when I'm sick and exhausted?
Even when I'm angry and frustrated and desperate for answers?
Even when I am literally broken?
Even when the people I thought I could trust are vanishing because they can't take this anymore?
Even when everything is taken from me and I don't have anything left?

Yes, I want my answer to be yes.  Even when my hope is gone and the fear is strong and the pain is real, when my faith is shaken and my joy is stolen and my heart is broken. Even when there is nothing left of me.
He's asking now, "Alisha, will you follow me? When you have nothing left, are you still choosing to follow? Am I really all you need?" He's asking me now.
Break me, Jesus, so I can find you. I will find you when there is nothing left of me to offer you EXCEPT for brokenness.

I know this is getting to be kind of a long post, but there's one more thing I want to say. As I'm thinking through all of this, I'm remembering the one person who seemed to model this attitude of give me Jesus, of following him when he was all she had left. That person was my Grandma. Even when she was sick, even when every day was a struggle, even when she hurt and was in pain, I always seemed to watch her model that attitude of Give me Jesus. Her life was an inspiration to me of that complete surrender to Jesus.

You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.