Sunday, May 6, 2012

Life with a Newborn

Not really. But sort of.
I said once, after a sleepless night due to my medical conditions, that it was like living with a newborn.
It's demanding. It takes everything you've got, all your time, all your focus, all your patience, all your sleep. It takes everything you have so there's nothing left for you. It's crying all the time, maybe not in the literal sense but in the sense that there's something needed or something changes and it's your job to bend and adjust. Even if it kills you, you follow the demands that are given to you, demands made by the doctors and by your own self.
There's good things too. Good things like waking up and feeling the sun on your skin and knowing that no matter what happened yesterday, it didn't kill you. Like the pride you have looking back and seeing what YOU have accomplished, what YOU have done, how far YOU have come. There's the unbridled joy that comes with beating the odds, or getting a good medical report. There's happiness that comes in the little things, the things that give you hope and when you step back and think on it you realize that you wouldn't change that moment for the world.
It's like living with a newborn. All you can do is hope that one day it won't be this crying, demanding baby anymore that sucks the life out of you and can sometimes make you feel like you want to curl up into a ball and die because you have nothing left, but something you can be proud of. Something that, when it's all said and done, you can look back on and say "Look what I did, look what I made it through."

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